During these trying times, we all have to make adjustments. It’s not that our needs and wants change. It’s that we have to go about fulfilling them in a different way. This first idea was sparked by a conversation Andy had with his daughter Ali a couple weeks ago. He offered to drive to Brooklyn to where she lives, and drive Ali and her husband Mark up to the suburbs where Andy lives and then back home after dinner. In order to sweeten the deal he offered to make his famous (well maybe not famous, but good, damned good) lemon sole with capers. Ali replied that while she didn’t feel comfortable leaving her house, we could cook the same meal together on Zoom. Andy told that to John and that turned into the Virtual Date comic which appears first in your scroll. We imagined what would happen to our divorcee character, Craig, in such a moment. He could still try to meet someone online, but they would have to keep their social distance. They couldn’t go to a restaurant even if they wanted to so we imagined what it would be like to cook dinner “together” but in separate places. Not quite as satisfying as the real thing. Andy also has a friend Rich, who with a third friend, wanted to tape the Giants-Patriots 2007 Super Bowl which was on Fox last Sunday at 3. But, it was a nice day so we decided we would tape and all watch together on Zoom at 8 pm. But then we thought well, we’re going to fast forward through commercials at different rates, we won’t start at exactly the same second, and ya know what? This idea isn’t gonna work at all. Sometimes the virtual thing is almost as good. Other times, not so much.

Which brings us to the second comic which blissfully has nothing to do with Corona (or maybe it does and that’s why Andy was so weak, he couldn’t open the jar in question.) Truth is, this incident occurred last summer, when the only thing you thought about regarding Corona was a cold, frosty beer with a wedge of lime. So sadly, there is no excuse. Andy had a jar of capers (there’s that famous lemon sole and capers recipe again) and for the life of him, couldn’t get it open. He tried with his hands, he used a trusty jar opener which he’s had for at least 40 years. He tried banging the lid on the corner of the counter. He tried running it under hot water. He tried everything he knew, and then swallowed his pride and asked Joanie if she could open it. She couldn’t either, but then she suggested he swallow his pride even further. No, she didn’t actually say that, but what she did say was , “Why don’t you take it to the hardware store.” Now remember, this was before Corona, so wearing a mask into the store was not an option. Nonetheless, Andy swallowed hard and went to the store with the JIQ (Jar In Question). Just like in the comic, he asked if they had a tool to open jars and just like in the comic, the guy said, “Let me see that.” And in a mere second he pressed down, twisted and off it came! Andy made a lame joke, like “I probably loosened it for you,” and the guy just smiled. Bastard. It’s one of those adjustments we make to getting older. Sometimes we need a little help when before we didn’t.

So that’s it for this week and next week, we plan two comics that aren’t corona-centered. Although you never know what might change. In the meantime have a great weekend and if you have any extra Lysol Disenfectant wipes or Charmin extra soft, please send them to… never mind.

Disinfectantly yours,

Andy and John