In a sense, Christopher Columbus was right about the world being flat. Although there is some controversy about whether or not he thought that, let’s just say it’s true. This is a blog, not a history lesson. So that’s established. The world is flat. Or at least getting flatter. Flatter in the sense that new cultures and new tastes keep intermingling and intermarrying, and intercooking (is that even a word?) with increasing frequency. Add to that the ability to instantly communicate with anyone, at any time and you can see why we have so many wild new combinations of ideas and of food. Like avocado sorbet. 50 years ago, I would never have dreamed of eating raw fish. Then about 20 years ago I went to a Michelin-starred sushi restaurant in Madrid, Spain. After a lot of delicious pieces of tuna and yellowtail and sea bream came a, drumroll please, cheeseburger on rice. Yes you read that right. They grilled a piece of hamburger into a shape that would fit perfectly onto a sushi-size bed of rice. It was delicious, but I did get a little embarrassed asking for soy-sauce-sized-saucer of ketchup. Both John and I are open to different culinary experiences. Except for pumpkin spice lattes. Who knows, they might even be delicious, but the ads, OMG. They don’t stop. If you listen to the Wendy’s ad for their Pumpkin Spice Frosty (and could someone please tell that oh-so-hip announcer that the chain is pronounced Wendy’s and not Windy’s) pay special attention to the disclaimer at the end, spoken at the speed of light. He says something like, “Pumpkin Spice Frosties are available for a limited time during which Vanilla Frosties will not be available.” Say what? I guess they have only two Frosty dispensers and are willing to sacrifice the vanilla for holiday season, but not the chocolate. These are the same Frostiss that people in commercials eat by dipping french fries into them. But I digress. I don’t like Pumpkin Spice and I do like vanilla, so I waited for Thanksgiving to be over and for vanilla to make its triumphant return, but not so fast. Make way for the Christmas season, where in addition to the Pretzel Baconator comes, ta da, the Peppermint Frosty! And while I still miss vanilla, it gave us the impetus for one of this week’s comics. True story: John and I worked in an ad agency that had the Wendy’s account. And we both are friends with a guy who was hired to be the voice of the baconator on social media. Truth. And the funniest thing is, he’s a vegetarian.

Okay, so what about the other comic? It has to do with food, without being about food. I will explain by example. A couple months ago, my wife and I attended a Steely Dan concert in an arena. It started at 7:30 and we wanted to get something to eat before. So we went to a concession stand and here was the scene: A couple people were working the grill, cooking up burgers, veggie burgers and chicken to use in various sandwiches. When they were finished with a particular patty they wrapped in up in tin foil and placed it under a heat lamp. I’ll bet your mouth is watering already. You want condiments? Go to the condiment table where there were individual packets of mustard, mayo and ketchup. Napkins, same table, where you pulled them one at a time from a dispenser. Drinks? Over there in the refrigerated case. Sodas, beers, wine in cans, water, etc. Finally, when you’ve finished with all of that, you approach another table where a cashier is standing. He or she punches the prices into a card reader, turns it towards you and you tap your card. Here’s where the fun part comes in. The machine asks if you want to tip 15%, 20%, 22% or “custom amount.” If you pay nothing, because they didn't actually serve you, you turn the machine back towards them and they know you’re a cheap jerk. So I put in a “custom tip” of 10%. You usually tip for service but suddenly, now, you’re expected to tip for…what exactly? My cynical mind thinks I’m tipping because theses companies don’t pay their employees enough in the first place. I mean, when you ask somebody “Can you tell me where the condiments are,” and the response is a no eye-contact point of the thumb, is that really service? And now you see it all over at fast food restaurants, Dunkin’, even Starbucks. The tip is rarely commensurate with the service received, unless of course, some barista is pouring you a peppermint latte.

Happy Holidays,

Andy and John