There is cauliflower rice, cauliflower pizza crust and, I swear, I just saw this on the menu of an Italian restaurant we love: cauliflower pasta. The latter is not a dish of pasta with cauliflower on top, it’s pasta made out of cauliflower. Now I realize that this is a most versatile vegetable, but don’t try and fool me into thinking it tastes like rice. It doesn’t. Don’t try to tell me it tastes like a pizza crust. It doesn't. Although I must admit the pasta was the only CS (Cauliflower Substitute) that tasted remotely like pasta. The point is that, no surprise, any CS food tastes like C, so why bother adding another modifier? And if you really think about it (clearly I have been thinking about it wayyy too much), don’t you worry (even just a little bit) that you’re hurting cauliflower’s feelings? It’s like we’re saying to every head of cauliflower out there, you’re not good enough the way you are. You have to disguise yourself, because we don’t like you. But you know what? Cauliflower has the last laugh. ‘Cause no matter how you try to dress it up, it refuses to give up its real identity. In fact, I’m going to have a real piece of cauliflower right now…not really. True story: just days after John and I came up with this comic, my wife gave me a Valentine’s Day card in which the wife makes her husband a veggie sandwich and upon giving it to him she says, “I made this with an extra-special ingredient, love.” Then you open up the card and the husband has a thought bubble, “I was really hoping it was bacon.”

Our other comic deals with Oscar Streaming. That’s right. If you time it properly, you can stream every category in advance of the actual show. You can stream, “Oscar-nominated animated shorts” which is not a brand of wrinkle-free golf shorts but rather a compilation of every animated short film up for an Oscar. If you are an insomniac or find yourself addicted to ambien, this is a very safe, drug-free way to ensure a full night’s sleep. Maybe you want to catch up on “Best Adapted Screenplay,” or “Best Cinematography.” Who doesn't want to watch six or seven films celebrated for their lighting and camera angles?” C’mon, don’t be a philistine. The Oscars are one of the few shows, that aren’t NFL games, that get big ratings. 93 out of the top 100-rated TV shows last year were NFL games. Me? I prefer to read on the couch while my wife watches and then snap to attention when the big categories come up. Or when Will Smith decides to slap Chris Rock in the face. Why do I even bother watching? The same reason my wife sat dutifully through the first half of the Super Bowl with me and our son, up through the halftime show, and snapped to attention with every touchdown or spectacular play. Which means she thinks about football the way I think about watching the “Best Sound Editing” category, which is distinct from “Best Sound Mixing.” You wouldn’t want to miss that one. John and I figured, if you start now, you might get to see everything that’s nominated before the big show in March. If nothing else, it’s a great opportunity to catch up on your sleep.

See you next week,

Andy and John