Few things are as painful, err I mean exciting, as watching a young child’s ballet recital. Nothing against ballet. Nothing against recitals. Or certainly not against young children. But put them all together and it’s painful. Maybe not everywhere but in Westchester County (where I live and John used to live) they have the recital at the local arts college, SUNY Purchase. The SUNY stands for State University of New York. Did you ever wonder why the “of” gets short-changed? Why not SUoNY? But I digress (what else is new). Anyway, it seems like every single town in Westchester is awash in five-year old girls in pink tutus. These days there are likely a lot of boys in pink tutus as well so the whole thing can last even longer. I mean it’s cute when your child or grandchild takes the stage, but you can’t pick them up to go home until every town has a chance to go on stage. At SUNY Purchase this takes at least four hours. That’s right. Four hours. You can watch them try to plie and stand on their tippy toes for a while, waiting for your kid to get onstage. It’s very cute. But once the kid you’ve come to see has had their turn, there’s still likely a very long time to wait and watch while every single town’s children get their chance to dance, leap and fall down. It was one thing to have to suffer watching your own child, but to do it again with your grandchild? I prefer a kids or grandkid’s sporting event. It’s cute watching them run around and seeing who loves to play and who picks daisies. You’re in and out in one hour. I’ve even watched friends’ kids play. But ballet recitals?? John and I are grandparents of little girls so I’m sure we’ll be put to the test in a couple of years, and I’m sure I’ll cave when the time comes. Finally when Al chooses to opt for a Jets game, he may be signing up for something even more painful (I’m a Giants fan and they suck even worse).

Onto our other comic. Golf lessons. Al thinks about all these things when he plays with his wife. John has recently taken up golf and I’ve been hacking away for the better part of 35 years. Recently my wife took it up in retirement. Suddenly, she’s gotten pretty good. But I still can’t resist saying “relax your shoulder,” or “finish your swing,” or the occasional “follow through.” The ironic part of this is I’m not so good myself. So I’ve got no place giving instruction. I can see what you’re doing wrong, I just can’t do it any better myself. So when John and I conceived this comic, it was with Al saying all these things out loud. We usually write these comics months in advance and John illustrates them the week they are going to run. So when he started to draw the Golf Lesson comic he called me up and said, “Al seems like a real asshole saying this stuff out loud. Why don’t we put his comments in a thought bubble instead?” I said “That’s a great idea. I like that much better,” while thinking, “Did he just call me an asshole?” And then I thought “Maybe I should just think it and not say it, like Al.” My excuse is my dad used to do that to me. But at least he waited until after I screwed up. When I lifted my head he’d say “Look up and you’ll see a bad shot.” And my favorite was when I left a putt short of the hole. He’d say “Son, it’s been scientifically proven that over 88.7% of putts that don’t reach the whole, don’t go in.” I have a close friend who’s an excellent golfer and his advice to me is, “Don’t give your opinion unless someone asks for it.” Maybe it’s better I go to a ballet recital.

See you next week with two new comics and welcome to the Fall. The season of football, changing leaves and yes, ballet recitals.

Andy and John