Things Just Ain't What They Used to Be 12/10/21

Obviously, a lot of stuff just ain’t what it used to be. Like me for example. A couple of weeks ago, my 36-year old son-in-law Mark ran the New York City Marathon. My wife Joanie and I went to watch him in Brooklyn along with our daughter Ali, a former NYC marathoner herself, and her daughter Charlotte, a marathoner-in-training. Of course she has to learn how to walk first, but anyway… You see, I’ve always harbored a “bucket-list’ desire to run a marathon. John already ran his, the bastard. Then I gave up on it. While training in my early 30’s, my knee locked up on me after a half-marathon. Nonetheless, there we were on 4th Ave in Brooklyn when Mark came running by to say a quick hello. As Mark hugged his daughter, an older runner came up and hugged his granddaughter who was right next to where we were standing. As he ran off, I asked his son how old his marathon dad was, and he said “68” which happens to be my exact age. If that wasn’t a sign from God to get out there and run one next year I don’t know what a sign looks like. Of course there was also another sign near the finish line of two people, who appeared to be in their 30’s, sitting on a bench, having their feet and shoulders rubbed by their respective partners, and burying their faces in their hands, crying tears of pain. Nonetheless, I went out the next day and ran, or should I say jogged, 2 miles at a super slow pace. As I came back to my apartment building feeling all proud and accomplished, the doorman looked concerned at my reddened face and hard breathing. With all seriousness he asked, “Are you okay. Should I call 911?” He sure knows how to ruin a good buzz. At any rate, this desire to run a marathon spurred on our first comic.

Next on your list is a comic about logos. I would love to be a professional golfer on the PGA Senior Tour. Trouble is, I usually shoot in the 90’s. But if I were on the tour I would object to all the logos I had to wear. 2 or 3 on the hat, one on the shirt, left side, another on the shirt sleeve, perhaps both sleeves, and let’s not forget the belt and perhaps the pants and certainly the golf glove, golf bag and ball. I would put my foot down and say absolutely not. Until they described to me how much I’d be getting paid for all these logos. Then I’d suggest another one on each butt cheek. But enough about me. This is about John. He needed some new clothes and he went with his wife Linda to the outlet mall and he observed that clothes today just ain’t what they used to be. Everything in the store had a logo on it. And not just a small logo. A big, fat, honking logo. A logo that shouts, “Look at me, I don’t wear just any shirt, I wear a Polo by Ralph Lauren” (whose real last name is Lipshitz, but for some reason they thought it wouldn’t make a good logo, so they went with Lauren and the polo ponies). Ya know it’s not so much the polo pony itself that’s objectionable, it’s the SIZE of the polo pony. And you’ve got to ask yourself, does the three-striped Adidas logo on the pants leg really go with the Nike swoosh on the sneakers? And would anybody in their right mind wear a Champion long-sleeved tee underneath a Tommy Hilfiger sweater? I mean, nobody is going to be able to admire the full-length CHAMPION logo running down your right arm and who’d want to miss that? So John’s shopping trip became the subject of today’s second comic.

And that’s all we have for this week. See you next week with two new ones.

Happy Holidays

Andy and John