A Bad Night Out. 02/24/23

If you are 50 or above, as many of our readers are, it may have been a long time since you’ve had a date. That is, unless you are divorced or widowed. Our character Craig is divorced. Of course he is. We had to have at least one character who was single, because how else were we gonna have fun with stuff like bad dates? If you look back in our archives we also covered awkward moments like getting undressed in front of someone new for the first time. The question was asked, “Lights on or…” and the response was “Off!” before the question could be completed. But back to Craig’s date. Some people are just uncomfortable with silence. I oughta know, since I’m one of them. And when people are uncomfortable with silence they just talk. A lot. In the case of Craig’s date, they talk a lot about themselves. I have been on some of those myself, but it’s been so long ago, I can’t remember the details. But I remember once going to Puerto Rico, and mentioning it and this woman launched into a 10 minute talk about Vieques, where she had gone, which was apparently much, much better that San Juan and featured a bay that lit up at night in a bioluminescent glow, thanks, of course, to microorganisms. I replied, “Yeah, but do they have even one golf course?” And that was the end of that. Then there are the career braggers and, my biggest pet peeve, the name droppers. There’s an easy way to spot a name dropper. They use only first names, as if they and the famous person whose name they just dropped are best of friends. “I was talking to Bradley and Gaga the other day about the sorry state of the Oscars…” So enough about me, how do you think I look? Suffice it to say, we don’t think Craig will be back for a second date with this one.

And speaking of bad nights out, we would be remiss if we didn’t talk about this past week in the world of sports, or rather lack of sports. The Super Bowl marked the end of the football season, and the very next Sunday, the entire NBA got the week off following the All-Star game. So no football or basketball! What’s a guy to do? John, who played college soccer, mentioned there was soccer and I quickly said that soccer didn't count. Truth is, I like soccer and said that only to piss him off. But really, am I going to watch a Champions League game between Eintracht Frankfurt and Napoli? Most of these games could only be watched by streaming and the powers that be insist on streaming them to platforms I don’t subscribe to and then only broadcast the games in Spanish. Gooooooooooooooal!!!! I think not, my goooooal was to avoid them. Al and Marv tried to find something on air by going to a sports bar. I suggested they’d find rugby or college basketball on tv but John came up with cricket. And how he knew about the Pakistan Super League, I’ll never know. But I looked it up and yes, it’s a real thing. Check it out, next time you have four days to spare watching guys collect wickets. And if it’s so much like baseball, why do they call the pitcher a bowler? But tonight, the Knicks are back in action. So at least for me, the world is back in order.

C’est la vie. We will see you again with a new three-part series about Al and his restaurant. Meanwhile, have a great weekend, even those of you in the Midwest who have been clobbered by snow. Stay safe and warm.

Andy and John