Relationships 12/02/22

So it’s already December. Where does the time go, and how come we keep getting older each year? Anyway, this week we start a 5-part series on our confirmed bachelor, Craig, and the new “love of his life,” Cynthia. Our guess is we all know someone like Craig. Good looking, intelligent, fit. And the question is: why does he or she remain single? Is it because they want to be single? Or is it because they haven’t met the right person yet? Or are they unwilling to compromise? John and I have each been married almost 40 years, so we are not the best examples. But what about Craig, is he ready to take the plunge? I was once a single guy around 27 or 28 and met a girl who was interviewing at a place I used to work. I saw her lingering in the hallway and struck up a conversation and there was an immediate chemistry. So I asked her out on a date. She was of a similar age and she had been through enough failed romances that she wasn’t messing around anymore. She knew what she wanted (at least she thought she did) and if you didn't meet her checklist, you were toast. Of course I didn't know any of this until I arrived at her apartment for our first (and last) date. She greeted me at the front door and before she put her coat on to go outside, she handed me a list. A literal list of all the qualities she sought in a man she’d be willing to have a relationship with. I kid you not. The lucky man would have to (now this was a long time ago, so my memory’s a bit foggy) love pets, not smoke cigarettes, not drink to excess, be neat, enjoy long walks in nature, etc. For those of you who know me, I don’t respond well to people giving me orders. And yes, I still smoked a pack every 2 or 3 days. Not much, but enough to disqualify me. By the way, I officially stopped smoking on June1, 1986, the day my daughter (my first child) was born, but I was being given a list the second I walked in the door and didn't like it. What I did is sit down in a chair and read the list. Then I pulled a fresh pack of cigarettes out of my jacket and proceeded to hit the front of the pack against my palm, packing the tobacco. She said, “What are you doing?” I explained I was a light smoker and also that I hadn’t grown up with a pet and so was not a natural with dogs. She asked me to please put the cigarettes away and I said, “I don’t think this is gonna work out.” She full-heartedly agreed and we never even went to dinner. True story. But the point is, the older you get, the more rigid you become in your ways. It was Match.com before Match.com existed.

I’m reminded of the Pina Colada song where a bored husband responds to a classified ad saying, “if you like Pina Coladas, taking walks in the rain…” the guy answers the ad saying he loves all those things and plans to meet surreptitiously in a bar at midnight. When he gets there he finally meets the woman who wrote the ad, his wife. Or as Joni Mitchell once brilliantly wrote, “Don’t it always seem to go, you don’t know what you want ‘til it’s gone?” When you’re in your 60’s you think you know what you want, like Craig thinks he knows and Cynthia thinks she knows. Will she be the one? Will Craig listen to his heart instead of his head? Stay tuned. There’s three more comics coming.

Have a great weekend and we’ll see you next week as the road trip continues.

Andy and John

Do's and Don'ts While Dining Out

Let’s face it, sports talk and dating and dining usually don’t mix. But don’t worry, because in our case they’re the subject of two completely unrelated comics. Let’s go with the genesis of the first comic (second in your scroll), about refraining from sports talk when you go out with company. A couple of months ago, my wife and I went out to dinner with another couple to a loud restaurant. In an effort to not make it boys sitting across from each other and girls sitting across from each other, I suggested mixing it up so the husband of one couple faced the wife of the other, and vice versa. This resulted in each couple talking across each other and since it was hard to hear in the first place, well… you get the idea. Epic fail, as the millennials would say. Put another way, my idea was a bad idea. At one point I was hogging the conversation, rambling on about politics, when my wife subtly smashed my foot under the table, to which I replied, “Oww, why’d you do that???” On recounting this tale to John, we reworked it so Al and Joanne made a pre-dinner deal that he wasn’t allowed to dominate the conversation with sports talk. Sports, politics, same idea. John came up with the idea of making a pre-dinner deal on the way to the restaurant. When I saw how well that worked out in the comic, I decided that it was a good idea to try at home from now on. I’ll let you know how that works.

Our other comic deals with a phenomenon that you see in fancy places. Older, distinguished-looking men with considerably younger women. I observed such a pair when going out to a special dinner in NYC with friends. Both of us guys were celebrating our birthdays. When we got seated, I noticed a banquette in front of me, with an older guy, replete with a three-piece suit, tie, pocket square, and cufflinks. If I’m calling him old, suffice it to say, he appeared as if his best days were behind him. Suddenly a cute young woman, in her late 20’s at most, slides into the banquette beside him. Hmm, I said, to my companions, check this out. We weren’t sure if he was in a second marriage and this was his daughter, or whether he was married only once and it was his granddaughter. Then she scoots over right next to him, puts her arm around his shoulder and starts whispering into and kissing his ear. And I, master of the obvious, said, that is not his granddaughter. The ending of the comic kinda wrote itself (John hates when I say things like this, because if it wrote itself, you wouldn’t need us). So it didn’t write itself but the situation was so perfect we didn’t have to do too much to alter the reality of it. My wife and my friend’s wife said Something like, “Ewww, gross,” and my friend and I readily agreed just how absolutely gross it was (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). Well, that’s it except for one final coda to the story. When we left the restaurant, the snuggling couple was still there, and my wife took a look at the young lady on our way out. When we got on the sidewalk, she told me, “By the way, she was not his girlfriend. Did you notice the huge rock on her finger? (No, I was looking elsewhere). She’s married to him.”

And with that, have a great weekend and a happy July.

Andy and John

Dating in the time of Corona 1/8/21

I was speaking to a friend of mine and asking about her son and his girlfriend. She said they were doing fine (always code for not so great) but that the girlfriend was complaining he never took her anywhere. They never went out, she hadn’t met his friends, etc. All they did was stay over at each other’s apartments and watch tv or movies and order take out. I secretly thought, “sounds pretty good to me,” and John thought it was perfect fodder for our bachelor character, Craig. We added in a few things he never did so it would seem more appropriate for a 60-something and our first comic was born. But it does speak to a deeper truth. Guys in general are happier doing less and women (again, in general) are more social and want to go out, introduce you to their friends, their family and can’t imagine why you wouldn’t want the same. Now I know, this is a sexist generalization but still…

As for me, I’d rather leave what I’m doing (whatever it is) and get back home. Of course, so I can write all you loving fans this blog, that’s the ONLY reason.

Onto the second comic which is spurred again by reality. John heard about somebody with one of these fancy schmancy home security systems which had been sitting in a box at home for a couple months. Now this system apparently has amazing capabilities. It monitors activities at your front door and sends them to your smartphone so you know what’s going on at home on those rare occasions when you actually do go out. The trouble was two-fold: 1) It looked complicated and this person was busy with a bunch of projects so the box just sat there. And 2) the user pays a monthly fee to the security company for the monitoring service, whether or not they’ve decided to take the damn thing out of the box. Fortunately, for this person, his daughter came to visit for Christmas and set it up for him so the problem was solved, but that doesn’t make for a very good comic. So, we came up with the “thrown the box at the robber “ ending which while not practical, would really hurt. Also, the fact that the person in question might be John would also hurt his ego, so we will never reveal whether or not this was based on his own experience. If you want to find out, you’ll have to read about it in the blog. Oh, wait a minute, this is the blog. Sorry, not telling.

Happy New Year and as Jackie Gleason would say: away we go (for 2021). See you next week.

Andy and John

Can you teach an old dog new tricks? 3/6/2020

This week we attempt to answer this age old question. Although one of the “new tricks” is trying to remaster an old trick. Never mind.

The first comic is Marv reuniting with his trumpet. Now that he’s in his 60’s, he’s got all sorts of free time. And why not learn or relearn how to play an instrument? Disclosure: we have a mutual friend who has taken up the harmonica with comparable results, but any comparison between him and Marv is STRICTLY coincidental. Strictly.

But the point is that with this newly open schedule, friends of ours are learning all sorts of new tricks, like how to play golf, do pilates, speak Spanish, etc. So as we dust off the contents of our attics, or sell our houses now that the kids are grown and out, and as we peruse the trumpets, harmonicas, artist’s easels, basketballs, etc., we are tempted to give these activities another whirl.

The next comic up is Sam’s coming to grips with being a new dad. Now this IS a new trick because he’s never been a dad before. And that is a skill that Marv and Al have had plenty of practice at. Just not when they were 62. So in imagining what that could possibly be like, they end up panicking their poor friend. Truth be told, Andy was panicked when he became a new dad, and he was only 33. He had promised to give up smoking (which he did) but in fearing that life as he knew it was about to end, he managed to put on 15 pounds of “sympathy weight.” Andy’s theory: It really isn’t sympathy for what your wife is going through, it’s really panic for what YOU’RE about to go through. Just sayin’. All we can say is “Watch out Sam.” John has a lot of ink in his arsenal and can make you gain as much weight as he wants.

In closing, it seems like you CAN teach an old dog, new tricks. Like starting a comic strip when you’re in your 60’s. Nah. Forget about that example. Too much work.

Have a great weekend.

Andy and John

Old hubby, young wife 2/28/2020

It’s called a lot of things. A May-December romance. Cradle robber. Hollywood romance (think Michael Douglas/Catherine Zeta-Jones). But it is far more common this way than in the older woman/younger man thing, which is getting more popular as time goes on. But back to the older man/younger woman thing, we thought, now THAT is a setup to have some fun with. It doesn’t take much imagination to think how it would go at first, but what about when the passion eventually dies down and reality sets in? What will she think if you want to take her to a Steely Dan concert? Gosh these people are all so old, and come to think of it, so is Sam!!!!

But today Sam had an announcement he wanted to make. He’s going to be a dad. And Sam, never having been a father before, had no idea what to expect. Make no mistake, Al and Marv, who have recently regained their freedom (the kids are grown up and out of the house - mostly) are going to fill him in on what his life is about to become.

No more random Wednesday afternoon, let’s meet at the diner, lunches. No more spur of the moment “Want to go to the Mets game tomorrow?” moments. No more, “poker at my house Thursday.” In fact, Sam’s life as he knows it is over. But he doesn’t know it yet. But don’t worry, he’s about to find out.

Many of our friends are getting that rush of having a new child again, but it’s a grandchild they’re talking about. They love the kids to death but at the end of the day, or the end of the weekend, they get to give the kids back to mommy and daddy. Sam, not so much.

So our first comic deals with the guys’ reactions to Sam’s news and the second one features Dottie - their edgy, sarcastic waitress at the diner - putting her two cents in. Not that she was asked, mind you.

More on this next week and then we’ll move on but this is a storyline that keeps on giving.

Enjoy your weekend and we will see you next week.

Andy and John

Take me out to the ballgame 10/4/19

This week we thought we’d devote both comics to the National Pastime, baseball. Or at least it used to be the National Pastime (and why does “pastime” have only one “t”?) until football took over. But we digress. We have a character, Sam, who - in addition to being a commercial voice over artist - has a sideline gig as the stadium announcer for the Boulder City Bullets. Bowing to political pressure, the Bullets are changing their name to the Boulders. No big deal, unless you happen to be the mascot, Bobby Bullet, for the better part of three decades. This comes from an actual incident, in which the former Baltimore Bullets of the NBA, moved to DC and got rebranded, The Washington Wizards. Or take the case of the Milwaukee Brewers’ Bernie Brewer. Everytime the Brewers would hit a homer, Bernie would hop on a slide, and when he disappeared from view, foam and bubbles would fly up indicating he landed in a giant keg of beer. No more. Now he just hops on the slide and gets off. We imagined what a mascot might feel like when he or she got “rebranded.”

Next comic up also came from an actual incident. Andy was attending a Mets’ game when the scoreboard lit up with the “Kiss Cam.” For those of you who don’t know what a Kiss Cam is, it’s a camera that finds couples, puts their picture up on the scoreboard, and expects them to kiss. The crowd then roars its approval or disapproval on the passion (or lack thereof) displayed. At the game in question, the people profiled for the Kiss Cam did their jobs and kissed. Except for one couple who did not. The camera came back to them three different times as the boos grew louder. Finally the guy gestured to the girl he was with and mouthed the words “it’s my sister.” We didn’t copy the moment, but added our New 60 twist to it.

That’s the last baseball comic you’ll see from us until next spring. But now it’s on to falling leaves, football, sweaters and eating. See you next week with two new ones.

Andy and John

Wait, yesterday was Valentine's Day? 2/15/19

If you scroll down, to the blog below, you will find an extra special treat. It’s our Valentine to you. John pulls back the curtain and takes you through every step of the comic making process, from how we come up with what we come up with, to writing it down on old fashioned legal paper, to pencil, to ink and finally to color, with pictures of it all. We recently saw an exhibition of how this worked back in the 1960’s at a comic art exhibition at the Bruce Museum in Greenwich. It inspired John and me and if you’re in Greenwich, it might even inspire you.

As John so eloquently laid out, this is how we go from talking, to final production. This week we talked about millennials. Together, we have a bunch of millennial children. Well, not together, we’re both happily married to our wives, but between us, we have a basketball team’s worth of millennials. Not that this comic applies to OUR kids, heaven forbid, it comes from interviewing and working with people in that age group and from stories our friends told us. As John likes to say, hilarity ensues. Mind you, there’s nothing inherently wrong with asking for maternity leave, it’s just that you gotta be an expectant mom first. And the truth is that many millennials end up with part time jobs that don’t even provide health insurance. But that would make a really boring comic. Trust us.

The second comic is, drumroll please, Valentine’s Day. And since our strip features four men of a certain age, it’s their take on Valentine’s Day. I think by next February, our intrepid foursome will finally remember what Feb 14th signifies. Probably. The thing about writing this strip is that we got to talk about Valentine’s Day wayyyy in advance so we came to last night well prepared. Nothing like a gigantic Hershey’s chocolate kiss to say “I love you.”

So take a peek at our gift to you, the detailed blog below. And know that we love you, our faithful subscribers, for sticking with us. Happy Valentine’s Day. Even if it’s a day late.