It All Depends on How You Look at It 11/19/21

True story. It’s funny, but it still was a digital slap in the face. I was getting ready to pay a bill using the Venmo app. Also, I had just gotten a new, upgraded iPhone. Apparently this Venmo app wants to connect with your telephone list so it can properly direct your payments. It’s just some silly algorithm that checks your phone list out and says “You have 287 friends,” or some such blather. The app counts the number of contacts you have and enters it into the appropriate space. Well, since it was a new phone and I hadn’t yet synched up all my contacts, the damn phone came up with a screen saying “You have 0 friends.” Now granted there’s a sane, rational part of me that laughed and thought “They really should come up with a different way to express that. Instead of saying I have zero friends, they could tell me I haven’t yet synched up my phone list to Venmo.” But nooo. They said “You have 0 friends.” So there’s this other part of me (the part that always takes over) that thinks “Oh really? Says who? What about Jimmie and Rich, and Marvin and Peter and Ted and John and Rob? And let’s not forget Ali, Greg, Joanie, Mark, Buzzy and Stuart. Even though they’re family, they count as friends too, don’t they??? How dare you? But it’s just an algorithm, so let’s move on. And it didn’t really affect me at all. Well, maybe just a little.

Our next comic took place at a trip to the eye doctor. Now we know Larry David featured a trip to the eye doctor last Sunday night on Curb Your Enthusiasm, but we thought up our trip to the eye doctor before his ever ran. So there. Anyway, is there anything worse than failing a test? I had a lot of practice at it in high school, but it still doesn’t blunt the humiliation. And how many tests do we take now anyway, except for those ridiculous online quizzes that nobody takes (except for me). Are you good in bed? Apparently not. Rock hard abs, six steps to help anyone create a six pack. Not me. Are you a genius? See how many of these questions you can answer? Not too many. But failing a visit to the eye doctor? That takes the proverbial cake. No matter how hard you squint you can’t make out the difference between a “c” and an “o” on line 4. Here’s a conspiracy theory. I’m convinced they make the type so small on those eye charts so they can sell you a new set of progressive lenses. And our conservative readers can relax. It’s not THAT kind of progressive.

John is back in town from his daughter’s wedding and we are back in gear. We will see you next week with two new comics including one wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving.

Andy and John