Why the Hell You Gotta Make Things so Complicated? 03/07/25

Okay, so I stole an Avril Lavigne song title for my headline. Go ahead, sue me. But she has a point. A while back we did a comic about waving your hands under a restaurant bathroom soap dispenser and then the faucet without getting any soap or water. So imagine Al’s gratitude upon finding a bathroom with a faucet and actual towels to dry your hands. Confession: I despise those air dryers so much, I end up wiping my wet hands on my pants. Every time. I think there should be a rule that every restaurant be required to have paper towels, hand-operated faucets and soap dispensers, and to give out free refills on coffee and tea. I would have brought this up to the Department of Government Efficiency, but I was afraid they’d respond by firing every restaurant worker north of the Gulf of America. The point is that in the name of progress and efficiency, everything is becoming way more complicated. How many households are there where only one person knows how to operate the tv remote? How about trying to program a car radio? How about the all-new cooking thermometer I bought that hooks up to your phone and tells you when whatever you’re cooking is done to your desired level of doneness. I was psyched. No more overcooked steaks or salmon ever again. Except for three months, my phone refuses to recognize the thermometer. Either the item is defective, or I’m doing something wrong, or my phone is a big snob and refuses to have anything to do with the thermometer. I vote for door number 3.

Our other comic is also about the shortcomings of modern technology. More accurately, about how modern technology has negatively impacted the ability of millennials to perform tasks we take for granted. For example, I used to know the four-digit phone extension of everyone I worked with. People would ask me, what’s Chris’ extension, and I’d reply: 3602, with no hesitation. I also memorized the phone numbers of my closest friends and family members. Not anymore. I just take out my smartphone, click on their name, and it remembers for me. I call John several times a week and I can’t remember his number. And what about math? When you actually had to figure out problems with a paper and pencil, it forced you to think. To problem solve. Now, with electronic calculators, computers and the aforementioned smartphones, you just type in the numbers and the device figures it out for you. Nowhere is this more noticeable than at the cash register. Say I buy something for $16 and I want $5 in change to give to the parking attendant. I hand the hapless cashier $21 and they look at me in utter confusion. Does. Not. Compute. I then have to explain, I want a $5.00 bill back, and they still don’t get it. So when John brought up this idea for a comic, I loved it. I think the answer is we’ve got to forget the cash and go to the card. Sigh.

That is it for this week. Ooops, I just spilled my water glass. Now I have to go to the bathroom and dry off with a fluffy towel. Almost makes me glad I spilled. We’ll see you next Friday with a two-part series, also dealing with the joys of modern technology. Have a great weekend,

Andy and John

To Sit or To Stand? 10/13/22

When it comes to peeing, it seems like we’ve got it all figured out, right? Men stand, women sit. But sometimes we find ourselves out of our comfort zones. In the case of a guy with a broken or twisted ankle, when you can’t put weight on a foot, you are forced to sit and pee. Conversely if a woman has to go really bad, and she’s say, hiking in the woods, she has no choice but to stand (alright, she squats, but that didn’t fit my sentence as well). As Al is about to find out, 1) nobody cares and 2) a lot of guys choose to sit. Who knew? Apparently John knew more than I did and that forms the basis for our two part series. Basically I did my part by breaking my ankle and learning the hard way, while John supplied the reasons a guy might sit.

Our two-part series this week deals with both points. The fact that nobody really cares, and the fact that however you do it is up to you. In fact, this topic is going to result in this week’s blog being mercifully short. Because, I can’t, for the life of me, think of one more thing to say about going #1. I leave you with this funny and true story:

After my bike accident in July, I spent the next couple months on crutches, or on a “knee stroller” and had no choice but to pee sitting down. One Sunday night in late August, my wife and I went out to dinner with another couple we’re very friendly with. Names, as always, are withheld to protect the guilty (and also to assure that I will have at least a couple of friends left after I finish blogging one day). The male part of this couple we had dinner with is both a very loyal friend and a very natty dresser. He is exceedingly neat and a bit germophobic. As we approached the end of the meal, my wife had a pre-existing zoom call and had to leave before dessert. She asked our friends if they would drive me home and help me up the steps to see that I got back in one piece. This was fine, except for one glaring omission. I had to go pee. And since it takes so much longer to do anything when you’re in a cast and on crutches, I knew I couldn't wait until I got home. The fact that the cast was up to right below my knee meant it wasn't going to be easy to pull my pants down, meaning I was going to pee standing up (at last, he comes back to the topic). This required asking my friend to accompany me to the men’s room of this very tony restaurant, and when I saw there was no rail to hang onto, I asked if I could support myself with my free hand by putting my arm around his shoulder. Fortunately for me, the loyal friend part of my friend won out over the fastidious part and he stood there allowing me to hang on his shoulder while emptying my bladder. Again, I never want to name names, but you, sir, are indeed a great buddy.

That’s it for this week. See you next week, same time, same place with two new ones. Enjoy your weekends and if you are a Mets fan like John and me, let It go, it’s time for football.

Andy and John.