New Rules 10/30/2020

With apologies to Bill Maher, we’ve stolen the end title of his show to make a semi-clever headline for the blog. Shameless, I know. And it applies more to the second comic in your scroll anyway, so the hell with it. First off, we wanted the chance to showcase some of John’s other talents. Besides illustrating and writing and animating, he is a renowned pumpkin carver every Halloween. But what if you weren’t so renown and your grandchild wanted to carve pumpkins with you? What would you do then, huh? You’d have to pretend you knew what you’re talking about wouldn’t you? I ask because neither of us are grandparents yet but one of us is about to become one in May, God willing. We will reveal who when the time comes. Anyway, there’s only a short period of time when your kids think you know everything, and if you’re reading this blog, chances are your kids have figured you out a long time ago. (Okay, an extremely long time ago.) But then there are the grandkids, and for a few years, we can still fool them. But some kids are more artistic than others and in this case, you can’t even fool them. So this first Halloween comic is a take at how it feels when the kid figures you out. (In my case I knew I was done artistically when my daughter hit 1st grade. She had to do a diorama about the Wild West in a shoe box for class. When she asked me for cotton balls to represent clouds, I knew I was toast.) I’m sure John’s kids had a higher bar to climb.

Our second spot came out of our New England trip. This is the third and final comic from that trip but it centered on outdoor dining. Our kids are way more responsible than we are during the pandemic, mostly because they don’t want to be the cause of us keeling over. So each night of the two nights we were there, we ate outside. In October. In Maine. At night. And did I mention we were outside? One night the restaurant had large propane lamps and we asked the waiter if he could please move the one over there just a wee bit closer to our table. Immediately there were howls of protest from the table who’d had it moved closer to them before we got there, the bastards. Thankfully they were on dessert when we were just starting, so as soon as they signed their check, boom, we moved the lamp closer. But on the second night, well no such luck. No heat lamps. Because every freakin’ restaurant for miles around had ordered them way before so there are no more to be had. And here’s a public service. You know the kind where you can see flames all the way up the stem? Well they’re not as good as the mushroom shaped ones with the flame only at the top. The curved top makes the heat radiate down towards you. So if you insist on eating outside this winter, remember this tip. And also, buy some stock in a propane gas company. But what I most remembered about our cold, outside, non-heated meals were the attempted smiles on everyone’s faces, as if to say, no problem here, we’re being responsible AND we’re enjoying the hell out of ourselves. The truth was revealed when the waiter asked us if anyone wanted coffee or dessert and the whole table simultaneously shouted, “NO!” before the waiter could finish his sentence. My softly uttered “Cappuccino and creme brulee please” got lost under the emphatic roar of the “no.” John came up with the “anyone interested in our blanket menu” line and we thought that was a more unexpected way to go, so there you have it. But truth be told, I’m still a little peeved about missing out on the creme brulee.

So th-th-th-that’s all folks for this week. Enjoy your no trick or treat Halloween and prepare for your no family Thanksgiving and we will see you (virtually, of course) next week with two new ones.

But first, a long awaited promise to show you a link to John’s pumpkin carving expertise. It’s worth it, if you can figure out how to open it. Which of course depends on my ability to copy and paste it. Here goes:

https://www.facebook.com/outrageouspumpkins

Happy Halloween,

Andy and John