No Clue 7/16/21

Events. Weddings, funerals, unveilings, bar/bat mitzvahs, confirmations, graduations, gender reveal parties, you name it, there’s an event made especially for it. And if the event is about someone in your immediate family, chances are there’s a receiving line where people shake your hand or kiss you and tell you how happy/sorry they are for your gain (marriage/baby/graduation) or loss (funeral) and then comes the kicker — the sentiment that it’s a shame we only see each other at these kinds of events and let’s get together soon. Let’s be honest. There are those few that we really would love to get together with except for the fact that you live too far away from them, and then there are those who, well, ‘ya know. This first comic is dedicated to them.

The second comic in your feed comes from a patented inability to find a tv show on a given network or “platform.” First of all, platforms are for diving or giving speeches, not for watching tv shows. Secondly, how the f#@! do you find them? One half of the New 60 team is currently at a beach house and tried to find something on Netflix the other night. I was struggling with three remotes lying out on the living room table. The cable remote has a button called tv input, and if you keep pressing it, you can go from “living room hd” to HDMI 1, 2, etc. As I was struggling with this, my 35-year-old son-in-law picked up another remote and pushed a large button entitled “Netflix.” Who knew? At any rate, it worked. My bar? As long as I can record the Mets and the NBA playoffs, I’m good.

That’s it for this week. I know it’s a little bit on the short side, but there’s this beach house and well, the sun is out and I’m outta here. See you next week with two new ones thanks to our virtual meetings on zoom, but wait, the signal here is weak, so what if I cancel my video feed, well, wait, what about FaceTime, hey, did you just hang up on me, oh there you are…

By hook or by crook, we’ll be there. Have a great weekend,

Andy and John

The Great Indoors 05/01/2020

We wrote you a few weeks ago about how not every comic would be a Coronavirus Comic. And what did we do this week? We wrote another two of them. We also realized we’ve been coming up with more and more ideas that take place in the home, on the couch or, if we get really expansive, at the supermarket. A wise teacher once said, “write what you know” and the supermarket is about the only place either one of us goes these days.

We both have a routine as we are sure you readers do. Whenever a package comes in the mail, we go throught the prescribed steps. 1) Put on gloves 2) pick up the cardboard box 3) wipe it down with Lysol wipes and 4) mutter under your breath about how f*%@ing ridiculous this whole thing is. And, oh yeah, 5) After you’ve opened the box and removed it from the counter, wipe down said counter with yet more Lysol wipes. Maybe one day there’ll be a conspiracy theory that Lysol started the whole pandemic, but at least they came out with a warning not to swallow the damn stuff. At any rate, today’s first comic came straight out of this routine. And by the way, how thrilled would you be to actually receive a new case of Lysol wipes? Some people would rather get that than a box of 24 karat gold bullion bars. Not this writer, but some people.

The second comic comes from doing what we suspect everyone is doing. No, not sex, this is the New 60 after all, binge-watching Netflix or Hulu or Disney Plus or YouTube or Amazon Prime Video or…okay, we’ll shut up. But John and I talked about doing something with this ubiquitous habit and he said something like, “You know that message that pops up after you’re done with your 4th episode in a row, ‘are you still watching’, well what if it actually saw you?” The point is, you know in your heart of hearts how lazy you’re being and you’re likely playing a tape like this in your head, “I better get up, oh just one more episode, but what about that project in the garage, but this series is sooo good, but the floor needs to be vacuumed, but what’s gonna happen to Marty when the drug cartel finds out…” Anyway, it seemed like a pretty good idea for a comic. And yes, Andy did manage to Swiffer the house. Last week. For only the second time during the stay at home lockdown in NY. He is still awaiting a medal for this groundbreaking burst of energy.

As Porky Pig used to say, in pre-politically correct days, th-th-th-that’s all folks! (and the exclamation is Porky’s).

See you next week with two new ones and please, stay safe.

Andy and John