On Gender Reveal Parties and Emotional Support Animals 6/11/21

If you are a regular reader of The New 60 Comic (and if you’re reading this blog there’s a good chance that you are indeed a regular reader) you probably wonder why everything is becoming more and more complicated. Case in point, the gender reveal party. Used to be, your kid called you and said something like, “Mom, dad, we’re pregnant!” To which you would respond, “Oh that’s great,” and you’d follow it up with, “Do you know what you’re having,” and they’d either tell you or say, we didn’t want to know, we want it to be a surprise.” SImple, right? And then once the baby was born, you could come to the hospital and figure it out the old fashioned way. But now? Noooo way. Introducing The Gender Reveal Party. Like a lot of things these days, people compete over who has the most dramatic reveal. One brilliant couple in California decided to shoot off pink fireworks to reveal they were having a baby girl. Congratulations guys. Only trouble was 1) it was in the middle of an historic drought, 2 )the temperatures were extremely hot and dry and 3) there were strong Santa Ana winds. Know what happened? They started a wildfire that burned thousands of acres of forest, forced people from their homes, and killed others who couldn’t escape fast enough. But at least they got to tell everyone they had a girl. Fortunately, we chose to make our young couple a little more responsible and just send up balloons. which are kind of dramatic, and also ensures there’ll be plenty of helium left over to inhale and enable people to speak in really high voices.

Which brings us to emotional support. With the world getting more and more complex (ever try to find a radio station on your car these days), some of us (okay,okay LOTS of us) have turned to our doctors to help us cope with anti-anxiety and anti-depression. We consume drugs as if they were giant-sized party bags of m&m’s. But what if you want a non-medical way to cope? How about an emotional support animal? These have proved very helpful to people of all ages coping with all sorts of issues. Just recently a friend of mine (who shall go nameless to protect the innocent) found out her emotional support cat was very sick. The emotional support animal now needed her emotional support. What happens if you weren’t trained as an emotional support human? What do you do then, huh? Maybe there is such a thing as an emotional support animal specifically trained to provide emotional support to emotional support animals who are suffering. Or maybe this blogger needs to find himself a real job.

Okay that’s it for this week, see you next week with two new ones. Stay safe everyone,

Andy and John

On the Old and New 4/30/21

First the old. It’s interesting to see which items go in and out of style. And for those of us of a certain age (and a certain temperment) we don’t give a damn even if they have gone out of style. Consider an item I brought to my marriage some 37 years ago. We jokingly refer to it as “The Dowry." It is an old-fashioned jar opener that belonged to my mother. Can’t find anything like it anymore. But I’ll try to describe it. Think of a circular shape at the top, hinged in the middle. The top has grippers on the inside and it opens up to two handles. You simply separate the handles, fit the circle on the jar top you’re trying to open, close the handles and twist. Voila! Open jar. So simple and elegant. Another item just as timeless that’s also been cast into the dustbin of history? The snack table. Nobody uses them anymore. Except very old people. I was watching an episode of “Comedians in cars getting coffee.” Jerry Seinfeld visits Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner. Every night (obviously this was filmed before Reiner’s passing) Carl and Mel would get together and eat dinner on snack tables while watching Jeopardy. While the point was to marvel at how deep their friendship was and how they acted like an old married couple, I was transfixed by the fact that they ate on snack tables. About a month ago, our kitchen required a major renovation and we were forced to eat on snack tables. I even worked on a snack table, noting how well it fit a MacBook Air and a glass of water. When the construction was completed, we folded the snack tables back up and placed them back into obscurity, in a little corner of the laundry room, never to be seen again until the next emergency. Sigh.

Our second comic deals with texting. Now there are many different types of texters. There’re people who still don’t do it and have no interest in learning how. Then there are people with flip phones who have to hit the “5” key three times in order to type the letter “L.” Next comes people over 50 who text regularly but insist on using punctuation and who hate acronyms. And then there is the millennial generation and younger who want to purvey as much information as possible with as few keystrokes as possible. Hence ”L8R,” instead of “later.” Or “btw,” instead of “by the way.” I took some golf lessons this winter where the instructor showed a split screen of my swing before and after. Only he insisted on labelling the before swing “b4.” I pointed out that that wasn’t the way to spell “before” and he responded by telling me to move closer to the ball. As for the comic, I must admit that John came up with the punchline where Al says, “I’m trying to find the semi-colon.” If it’s old-school behavior to spell words out, it is positively neanderthal to look for a semi-colon. Almost nobody uses semi-colons anymore. They’re about as rare as snack tables.

That’s it for this week. And as long as we are speaking about punctuation, I want to give a special shout-out to our terrific proofreader (who just pointed out I used an unnecessary hyphen in proof-reader), David Ockene, who performs this task every week for free. David, we really appreciate it and you.

See you next week with two new ones. Have a terrific weekend and stay safe,

Andy and John

Finally 03/26/21

Why finally? Because it links this week’s comics. Finally we got Sid out of the house and can plan what to do with his room. And finally we got an appointment for our Covid vaccine shots. First, about the Covid. As a man of a certain age, it reminds me a lot of Vietnam. Huh? Relax, I’ll explain. It was 1971 and yours truly was a freshman at Washington U in St. Louis. I sat around on the floor with a bunch of buddies listening to the radio announce birthdates that were being pulled out of a tumbler. Speaking of tumblers, we also had a bottle of crappy scotch on the floor and we kept taking shots when we didn’t get our birthday called. My roommate’s birthday was May 5th, and I was May 15th. The war was starting to wind down and only the first 50 birthdates called would have to enlist in the army. The voice called out, “Number 5…May 5th.” Now May 5th sounds a lot like May 15th, but it wasn’t, thank goodness for yours truly. My roommate, however, left for active duty and I never heard from him again. I hope he made it. May 15th didn’t get called until after number 250 so I was safe. But what reminded me of Covid is it’s the only time I can remember people hoping they were sick, that something was wrong with them. In the case of Vietnam, something wrong could get you declared 4F. I have no idea what that stands for but it means, you’re out. The army can’t use you. It’s like on a school test. F isn’t a low enough grade for you. You’re 4F. Take that! With Covid, if you weren’t yet 65, you’d have to have something wrong with you in order to qualify for the shot. Anxiety, depression, elevated heart beat, hypertension, you name it. The point is it’s the only other time I can remember people hoping their doctors would find something wrong with them. Bone spurs, anyone?

Next up on your scroll is the inevitable emptying of Sid’s room. All traces of Sid are gone, posters, clothes, shoes, books, hell, even Sid himself. It was what Al and Joanne wanted for the last 5 or 6 years. But, of course, now that he’s gone they miss the hell out of him. I will point out that hey don’t miss him enough to stop contemplating who gets his room and what they are planning to do with said room, once a winner has been declared. And like most marital squabbles, the guy has no chance emerging as the winner. Al, while not an easy man to live with, was easy to manipulate in this situation. A NY Giants foot pillow, to prop his feet up during games, was all it took for Joanne to win the day. Speaking for the entire male gender, we may not think we’re easy to outmaneuver, but trust us, we are. But don’t worry. Al will get his chance. Wait until they start to clean out the garage.

That’s it for this week. Have a great weekend and we’ll be back again next week with two new ones.

Andy and John

The Saga of Sid Continues 3/11/21

Everybody’s got to grow up at some point, right? Even Sid. Look, we get it. This is the first generation that hasn’t had a reasonable expectation of upward mobility. And so because of a combination of low paying jobs, little to no health insurance, and sky high rents, many adult children are being forced to still live at home or to accept their parents’ help in living alone. And we ‘ve been over this territory before. And it’s not particularly funny, especially if you are the person still living home. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t room for comedy. Between wondering, “what in the name of God is he doing up there?” and the revelation of, “Oh, so that’s what he’s been doing up there!” is where the funny kicks in. And you have to admit, that app of Sid’s is a pretty brilliant idea.

But then we got to thinking, what if Siri or Alexa or one of those robotic female voices could do this anyway? Aren’t they some sort of example of artificial intelligence, or to be hip, AI? So we tested it. Well, in order to sound incredibly hip, we beta-tested it. In other words I said, “Hey Siri, what’s the name of that movie with the guy from the notebook and the girl from the Help? And Siri replied, “Okay, I found this on the web about The Notebook.” So it didn’t work. Which means there is still a need for Sid’s app. And if any of you are smart enough to invent it and you wind up making billions of bucks, just remember who gave you the idea. And return a 33 1/3% of your profits for the first couple years. It’s only fair.

We will wrap up the 5-part Saga of Sid next week and move on to other topics, but if you get a chance we’d love to hear your thoughts about whether or not you’d like these continuing stories from time to time.

And that, is that. Not because it’s currently 68 degrees outside and I’m kinda lazy. No it’s because I’ve run out of things to say about adult children living at home. And yeah, because it’s 68 degrees and I’m kinda lazy.

See you next week with two new ones. Enjoy your weekend and we hope you get vaccinated,

Andy and John

Adult Children 3/05/21

What kind of world is this? When did it become the rule that people of a certain age had to take care of their parents and elderly relatives, and also still have to help their kids out? It’s not all our kids’ faults. Gone are jobs with nice, comfy perks like medical insurance and bonuses and pensions and the guarantee of 40 years with the same company (what the hell is a company anyway?). Nope. Now we live in a “gig” economy. As far as I can tell gig stands for no freakin’ benefits. Gig makes me gag. But this is supposed to be funny, so enough.

We thought we’d take a look at Al and Joanne’s 33-year-old son who works on his computer upstairs and has no income. He does however have a plan. First, we gave him a name, Sidney. And then, as part of our new push to tell more continuing stories, we are doing our first ever 5-part story, the Saga of Sid, if you will. We are going to explore the push/pull of “C’mon kid, it’s time to move out” combined with “Do you have to go so soon?” Sure, they’re pains in the butt but they also solve all your tech problems. Sure, they eat you out of house and home but they also listen to cool music you’d never hear and watch new tv shows you’d never watch. In short, they keep you a little more hip than you’d be otherwise. John and I have no kids living at home, which may be a reason why we are so unhip, even though we did visit a pot dispensary in a past comic.

The other thing about a five-part series is this: once we enter a comic, say Part 1 on the website, and then enter the subsequent comic, Part 2, the subsequent comic comes up first in your feed, so that when you click open your email on Friday, you’d see part 2, followed by Part 1. And then next week, you’d see Part 4 at the top followed by Part 3. In other words, “Help! Where are our kids when we need them???

Have a great weekend and get vaccinated,

Andy and John

Dating in the time of Corona 1/8/21

I was speaking to a friend of mine and asking about her son and his girlfriend. She said they were doing fine (always code for not so great) but that the girlfriend was complaining he never took her anywhere. They never went out, she hadn’t met his friends, etc. All they did was stay over at each other’s apartments and watch tv or movies and order take out. I secretly thought, “sounds pretty good to me,” and John thought it was perfect fodder for our bachelor character, Craig. We added in a few things he never did so it would seem more appropriate for a 60-something and our first comic was born. But it does speak to a deeper truth. Guys in general are happier doing less and women (again, in general) are more social and want to go out, introduce you to their friends, their family and can’t imagine why you wouldn’t want the same. Now I know, this is a sexist generalization but still…

As for me, I’d rather leave what I’m doing (whatever it is) and get back home. Of course, so I can write all you loving fans this blog, that’s the ONLY reason.

Onto the second comic which is spurred again by reality. John heard about somebody with one of these fancy schmancy home security systems which had been sitting in a box at home for a couple months. Now this system apparently has amazing capabilities. It monitors activities at your front door and sends them to your smartphone so you know what’s going on at home on those rare occasions when you actually do go out. The trouble was two-fold: 1) It looked complicated and this person was busy with a bunch of projects so the box just sat there. And 2) the user pays a monthly fee to the security company for the monitoring service, whether or not they’ve decided to take the damn thing out of the box. Fortunately, for this person, his daughter came to visit for Christmas and set it up for him so the problem was solved, but that doesn’t make for a very good comic. So, we came up with the “thrown the box at the robber “ ending which while not practical, would really hurt. Also, the fact that the person in question might be John would also hurt his ego, so we will never reveal whether or not this was based on his own experience. If you want to find out, you’ll have to read about it in the blog. Oh, wait a minute, this is the blog. Sorry, not telling.

Happy New Year and as Jackie Gleason would say: away we go (for 2021). See you next week.

Andy and John

GOOD RIDDANCE 2020, HAPPY NEW YEAR '21 1/1/21

Let us count the reasons to be cheerful that 2020 is finally in the rearview mirror. I cannot begin to describe the thrill of typing “1/1/21” into this blog. First of all, it signifies two less keystrokes because now, you only have to write “21” whereas before you had to write “2020”. Okay it’s a stretch but there’s plenty of other reasons to celebrate as well. The corona vaccine is becoming a reality. A new administration is taking over (no matter which side of the aisle you’re on, the new guy really did win). Hopefully we can move in a new direction and tackle this thing to the ground once and for all. And hopefully John won’t have to keep drawing masks over the funny and farcical expressions he so expertly draws.

We presented you this morning with a John special, a Happy New Year Poster where we take out our frustrations on 2020 by kicking the ever-loving crap out of it. Hey, it’s a legal way to let off some steam. Don’t judge.

And we imagined what it might look like for a 32-year-old living at home to wake up on Christmas morning to find his parents in matching pajamas. He’d conclude it was time to get his own place. And we’d be inclined to agree. We will follow his travels and travails this year.

And finally, we would be remiss without thanking each and every one of our readers personally for your loyalty in reading and following us each week. For sending us on to your friends. For “liking” us on social media. For reading the blog. And so John is going to get into his SUV and go across each and every one of our 50 states to visit and thank…okay, he’s not doing any of that and neither am I. But please accept an electronic thanks from the bottom of our very human hearts. You guys are the best. And hopefully, we will have a book available for the holidays next year.

Stay safe and happy,

Andy and John

Happy Holidays 12/25/2020

Happy Holidays. And good riddance to 2020, though we’re supposed to save that sentiment for next week’s blog. Anyhow, with holiday season upon us we did a holiday themed two pack of comics. Now I celebrate Hanukkah and John is a Christmas guy, so we settled on this idea which gave a shout out to the both of us. But what about Festivus, you ask? Good question. Did you know, that was actually a thing before Seinfeld? No kidding. It seems that one Mr. Daniel O’Keefe of Readers Digest made it up in the ‘60’s, because he was tired of family squabbles around the holidays. He even called for sitting around the table for the Airing of Grievances. I kid you not. And get this, his son Dan became a writer for Seinfeld and wrote the Festivus episode which made the made up holiday famous. For those of you keeping count, the official date is December, 23rd, the date the elder O’Keefe had his first date with his future wife. But I digress. The storing and retrieving of ornaments is apparently such a struggle, it’s almost not worth it. I wouldn’t know. I’m a Jew. But my daughter, who for years, yearned for a tree, showed us and eventually married a Methodist and has that damned tree every year!

As for the holiday card, well that sprung from the mind of John. It’s tough to kiss from 6-feet apart, and by the way, that’s a hell of a lot of mistletoe.

So whether you have your holidays on zoom or together wearing masks, stay safe and we will see you next week with a new comic and a New Year’s poster wishing 2020 a not very fond farewell.

And if this blog seems a bit short, well, cartoonists get some time off too.

See you next week,

Andy and John