The evolving bathroom 7/30/21

Frequently, John and I will relate stories from our immediate present or past and then decide it they are comic-worthy or not. Occasionally, an idea happens that is so telegraphic, it doesn’t need any words. Such an idea happened to John and a much shorter colleague he used to work with. If you’re not a guy, you may not be aware that men’s bathrooms have urinals of differing heights. One for kids, one for adults. But there is also an unwritten rule that if more than one guy enters at the same time, whoever enters the bathroom first, goes to the furthest urinal, leaving the closest one open to the last person who comes in. There are other unwritten rules as well. Don’t ever take the urinal directly next to someone peeing, if there are more than two urinals. You leave one in between the two of you for some (imagined) sense of privacy. And then the big rule, don’t ever, ever, look down in the direction of the person standing at the closest urinal to you. Well, this particular comic happened to John and the aforementioned shorter colleague. As it is drawn. John, the significantly taller of the two, was about to pee into the kid’s urinal while his friend had to practically stand on tiptoe to get over the rim of the taller urinal. They broke the rule, took a look at each other, and switched. Wordlessly. Very funny indeed, but with no words to accompany the action, I have nothing to do with the comic except to say, “Funny idea, let’s do it.” So, I will swallow my disappointment on the comic not having any dialogue because, you know, I wouldn’t want to piss all over a great idea.

Second up in your “stream” is about a summer beach house rental that is so “smart” the renters can’t figure out how to use anything. Hint: I am living in such a rental as we speak. First of all is the toaster. It has a name, “June.” No kidding. You put an English muffin in and close the door, and a picture comes up saying “English muffin, two slices.” If you decide to toast on medium, it goes on for 4 minutes. If you don’t think it’s done enough, you push “add 30 seconds,” and after that if you are satisfied, it asks “do you want me to save the longer cooking time?” This impressed me and freaked me out at the same time. Later that same week, I went to reheat a piece of pizza in the same oven, shut the door and it said, “Pizza, one slice, thin crust.” I kid you not. But let’s get to the toilet (jeez, we’ve been speaking a lot about bathrooms today). You walk into the bathroom, and the light goes on. You walk to the toilet and the seat raises automatically. The seat, by the way, is heated. After you go, It rinses and dries your butt for you. And when you stand up again, it flushes and closes the seat for you. I explained all this to John and he said, here’s the ending, “Marv gets so frustrated he wishes he could turn the whole thing off and then, of course, the house is plunged into total darkness.” And we had ourselves another comic. None of this smart tech is an exaggeration. Which leaves me with two thoughts. First, how can I ever come back to my apartment, where you have to estimate how long to toast things all by yourself? Secondly, do you really expect me to lift my own toilet seat after all this???

Only time will tell. We will see you again next week with two new ones and until then, have a wonderful weekend.

Andy and John

No Clue 7/16/21

Events. Weddings, funerals, unveilings, bar/bat mitzvahs, confirmations, graduations, gender reveal parties, you name it, there’s an event made especially for it. And if the event is about someone in your immediate family, chances are there’s a receiving line where people shake your hand or kiss you and tell you how happy/sorry they are for your gain (marriage/baby/graduation) or loss (funeral) and then comes the kicker — the sentiment that it’s a shame we only see each other at these kinds of events and let’s get together soon. Let’s be honest. There are those few that we really would love to get together with except for the fact that you live too far away from them, and then there are those who, well, ‘ya know. This first comic is dedicated to them.

The second comic in your feed comes from a patented inability to find a tv show on a given network or “platform.” First of all, platforms are for diving or giving speeches, not for watching tv shows. Secondly, how the f#@! do you find them? One half of the New 60 team is currently at a beach house and tried to find something on Netflix the other night. I was struggling with three remotes lying out on the living room table. The cable remote has a button called tv input, and if you keep pressing it, you can go from “living room hd” to HDMI 1, 2, etc. As I was struggling with this, my 35-year-old son-in-law picked up another remote and pushed a large button entitled “Netflix.” Who knew? At any rate, it worked. My bar? As long as I can record the Mets and the NBA playoffs, I’m good.

That’s it for this week. I know it’s a little bit on the short side, but there’s this beach house and well, the sun is out and I’m outta here. See you next week with two new ones thanks to our virtual meetings on zoom, but wait, the signal here is weak, so what if I cancel my video feed, well, wait, what about FaceTime, hey, did you just hang up on me, oh there you are…

By hook or by crook, we’ll be there. Have a great weekend,

Andy and John

These are a few of my favorite things 7/09/21

It’s kinda hard to believe that we are already past two of the big three summer holidays. At least we don’t have to go back to school. But as we race along through the year, it’s good to take stock of where we’ve been and where we’re going. Like Marv, who moved his mom into an assisted living home, where she was happy to go (hey this is a comic and things work out the way we want them to work out, okay)? But now it was time to get her papers in order, whatever that means. To me it means shuffling them around and putting them into piles that make sense at the time, and then never doing anything with those piles. But it was in the nascent days of The New 60 when John and I were at work on a bunch of upcoming comics. We had yet to hit our working rhythm. So, we would either work at his apartment on the balcony or my apartment on the balcony (this is before he moved over 100 miles away-maybe it was my breath?). This was also before the invention of Zoom. On this particular day we were working on my deck and John showed me a bunch of magic marker-type drawings he had done for upcoming ideas. He was very well prepared. He even came with stones to use as paperweights. Trouble is, I live right by the Hudson River and it gets pretty windy (note, if Larry David hadn’t already made it his trademark, I would’ve said, pretty, pretty, pretty windy, but he already said it so I can’t). Moving on, John neglected to place said drawings under said stones when a huge gust of wind came along and blew all the papers off the deck. I live on the 3rd floor so we had to knock on the people’s door on the second floor whohave the deck right below me, and then we actually broke into the deck on the ground floor and recovered almost everything, and while I was breaking and entering, John was going through some prickly shrubbery to recover the rest, and eventually emerged, worse for wear. Somehow, this turned into Marv losing his mom’s papers, but you get the idea.

Next up is the guys at the diner talking about one of their favorite topics, food. Hint to our women fans, when guys get together (heterosexual guys anyway), they used to talk about girls but after a certain age, they talk about food. Not just any food, but the food we sneak so you don’t see us eating it. There, the secret’s out. Shoot me. On second thought, please don’t. We had a lot of (un)healthy debate about McDonald’s vs White Castle vs In ‘n Out, but thought In ‘n Out was too esoteric for our east coasters. Another hint, if you go to In ‘n Out, as I once did with my nephew David, order it “animal style.” It’s an insider’s secret he taught me and now, well, I’ve blown that too. In short, don’t tell me secrets. Shhh. That’ll be our little secret.

We will see you next week with two new ones hot off the press. Until then enjoy your summer weekend.

Andy and John

On implants and veggie dogs 6/25/21

I was in Pittsburgh this past weekend and was bemoaning the loss of a cultural institution there, The Original Hot Dog Shop, listed in Google as “permanently closed.” It was better known as “The Dirty O” or “Essie’s Original Hot Dog Shop,” and it closed after 60 years. It opened up a block away from Forbes Field, where the Pirates used to play, and it debuted in 1960, the year the Pirates beat the Yankees in the World Series. The “O” was so beloved, Mark Cuban tried to buy it to save it, but to no avail. So there I was in Pittsburgh lamenting the loss of the “O” (full disclosure, I had a hot dog and fries there at 3 am after my wedding, some 37 years ago). So I asked a friend, where do you go for a dog these days? And he said Dee’s, without a moment’s hesitation. He added that he went there with his family, including his wife who does NOT like hot dogs. So she ordered a veggie dog, and when she asked the counterman what she should put on it, he replied, “meat.” So there it is. The New 60’s first ever comic that came complete with a punchline. Over the years, we’ve gotten lots of suggestions for ideas that we have taken and tweaked. But until now, no idea had ever come complete with a funny ending. I promised never to use people’s names to avoid embarrassing them, but in this case you know who you are and thanks for the story. It went down easier than, dare we say it, a veggie dog. A lot easier.

The second strip also came from a personal experience. This happened when my dentist shaved my four lower middle teeth into nubs and my periodontist pulled them a couple weeks ago. He put it implants, and I have to wait three months for them to heal. Now, if you are a certain type of person (hint: a guy) and you hear the word “implants,” what do you think of? Not teeth. And that’s what propelled us to our second comic of the week. One reason we love this comic is because it leads us to conversations like the following. I was getting off the plane Monday and looked at my phone and John had sent me his pencil sketch of the implants’ comic. The ending had Sam a little confused as he wondered why anyone would want bigger teeth. I wondered if “bigger” was the right word. Might it be fuller teeth or perhaps rounder teeth? In other words, what word would make the reader think instantly of breast implants. After much back and forth, we decided on “bigger.” And to think we could get paid for doing this…

Enjoy your summer as it starts warming up for good. Half of the New 60 staff is heading out to the beach, but don’t worry, this comic works remotely as well. Have a great weekend and we will be back to you next Friday with two new ones.

Andy and John

Expectations 6/18/21

Sometimes things turn out much, much better than we expect. And sometimes they turn out a lot worse. I remember once coming home to find my young son with an enormous 6’5” mountain of a man, I had never met before. When I went to ask him who he was I noticed he was teaching my son the alphabet. Turns out he was the boyfriend (and later husband) of our nanny who was taking care of our older daughter at the time. He was partially the inspiration for Sonny, the tattooed, ex-con, mountain of a man who is quietly becoming the best nanny we’ve ever seen. Sam and Shellie hit the nanny-jackpot with Sonny. We combined this story with another one that takes place outside my window several times a week. What I have observed is a mommy-exercise class. All these new moms have their babies in jogging strollers, including the instructor, who shouts out exercises they do while hanging on to the backs of their strollers. My daughter, a recent mother herself, enrolled in such a class in Brooklyn. One of the funnier incidents she recalled occurred when the instructor was demonstrating leg lifts (expertly illustrated by John) while simultaneously changing the diaper of her own baby! Anyway, since this is about Sonny, we changed the class to a nanny-exercise class. There really isn’t a big difference between a mommy class and a nanny class except for the fact that the nannies aren’t clad head-to-toe in Lululemon gear.

Now you might be wondering why I first talk about the second comic you see. I have reasons but they are both complicated and boring, not the stuff for a blog. Suffice it to say that the latest comic you enter appears first in the newsletter. Now you probably have no idea what I just said do you? That’s okay because I don’t either.

Moving onto the second strip (which of course appears first - don’t ask, I’m beggin’ you), we revisit the constantly evolving world of bicycles. There are two basic types of riders. One, like John, have carbon-fiber bikes that weigh only a couple pounds, and they also have pedals that require a special bike shoe that clips into said pedals. They think nothing of taking a 50-mile ride (I think that’s a lot of distance even when i’m in a car). Apparently, you have to wear brightly-colored spandex (which is a total non-starter for yours truly). As for the clip-on shoes, you just have to remember to unlatch one of your feet before you come to a stop, otherwise, crash! The other type of bike rider is like me. I have an electric, pedal-assist bike that helps me get up steep hills (after which I turn the motor off, I promise!!). It weighs about 55 pounds and has upright handlebars and a comfy seat. Readers, no matter which type of rider you are, we all experience the occasional fall. But when you pass 60 years of age, a fall exposes a dichotomy. The dichotomy is between the way we perceive ourselves as bike riders and the way others perceive us. I know this because I fell about a year ago after just passing the entrance to my apartment building. I sheepishly got up and before I could hop on the bike again, 5 or 6 workers, gardeners, delivery guys, etc., all came sprinting to the scene of the accident and asked if I was okay. ‘I’m fine,’ I insisted as I ignored the pain in my left buttock. Marv stands in as a cross between my type of bike rider and John’s.

That’s it for this week. We will see you (at least virtually) next week with two new ones. Until then, have a great weekend and if you happen to go for a bike ride, please, unclip your foot BEFORE you stop.

Andy and John

On Gender Reveal Parties and Emotional Support Animals 6/11/21

If you are a regular reader of The New 60 Comic (and if you’re reading this blog there’s a good chance that you are indeed a regular reader) you probably wonder why everything is becoming more and more complicated. Case in point, the gender reveal party. Used to be, your kid called you and said something like, “Mom, dad, we’re pregnant!” To which you would respond, “Oh that’s great,” and you’d follow it up with, “Do you know what you’re having,” and they’d either tell you or say, we didn’t want to know, we want it to be a surprise.” SImple, right? And then once the baby was born, you could come to the hospital and figure it out the old fashioned way. But now? Noooo way. Introducing The Gender Reveal Party. Like a lot of things these days, people compete over who has the most dramatic reveal. One brilliant couple in California decided to shoot off pink fireworks to reveal they were having a baby girl. Congratulations guys. Only trouble was 1) it was in the middle of an historic drought, 2 )the temperatures were extremely hot and dry and 3) there were strong Santa Ana winds. Know what happened? They started a wildfire that burned thousands of acres of forest, forced people from their homes, and killed others who couldn’t escape fast enough. But at least they got to tell everyone they had a girl. Fortunately, we chose to make our young couple a little more responsible and just send up balloons. which are kind of dramatic, and also ensures there’ll be plenty of helium left over to inhale and enable people to speak in really high voices.

Which brings us to emotional support. With the world getting more and more complex (ever try to find a radio station on your car these days), some of us (okay,okay LOTS of us) have turned to our doctors to help us cope with anti-anxiety and anti-depression. We consume drugs as if they were giant-sized party bags of m&m’s. But what if you want a non-medical way to cope? How about an emotional support animal? These have proved very helpful to people of all ages coping with all sorts of issues. Just recently a friend of mine (who shall go nameless to protect the innocent) found out her emotional support cat was very sick. The emotional support animal now needed her emotional support. What happens if you weren’t trained as an emotional support human? What do you do then, huh? Maybe there is such a thing as an emotional support animal specifically trained to provide emotional support to emotional support animals who are suffering. Or maybe this blogger needs to find himself a real job.

Okay that’s it for this week, see you next week with two new ones. Stay safe everyone,

Andy and John

Sam Comes Back 6/4/21

When we first started this comic, we thought it would be fun to have a diverse set of friends, not only diverse in the racial sense, but also diverse in how their lives turned out. Gives us lots of fodder for different plots. That’s why in addition to two married couples (Al/Joanne and Marv/Rachel) we have a single guy dating (Craig) and a guy on his second marriage (Sam). At first Sam was the object of jealousy when he married a woman 20 years his junior (Shellie). And then she got pregnant and had a baby (Sammy) and suddenly the gang was not jealous of Sam anymore.

Because John and I are in our 60’s and our kids are all grown up, we tend to forget what a tremendous amount of time and effort it took to raise children from infancy. Now, because I’m a new grandpa, I see it up close and cannot believe we got through it in one piece. Suffice it to say, Sam is not getting through it in one piece. So they hired a babysitter with an advanced degree in child development. The fact that he’s covered in tattoos and just came out of prison is entirely beside the point. Who are we to judge? Well, it turns out we’re just like everyone else. So we introduce you to the new male babysitter, Sonny. He will give Sam some form of his old life back again and he gives us a fun new character to play with.

This week we reintroduce Sam back to the diner with his buddies and then take him to the park where Marv gets to meet Sonny for the first time. We hope, once you finish judging him, you will grow to love him. Afterall, there’s nothing to lose, because what the hell, it’s not like he’s looking after YOUR kid.

Have a good weekend (even if it’s cold and rainy) and we will see you next week with two new ones.

Andy and John

Sid Grows Up (Al, not so much) 5/28/21

It’s easy for a couple of older guys to poke fun at 30+ year-olds still living at home. But the world today isn’t like the one we grew up with. Steady jobs with benefits that have a career path have been replaced by freelance gigs with no benefits whatsoever. They usually end with some form of “Thanks for the work, we’ll call you again next time we need you.” Followed by the click of a phone hanging up. Sigh. I actually once worked at an agency where I asked one of the other creative directors, “How do you find people who are content making the same ads into different sizes to fit different digital platforms?” His response, “I look for people with no ambition. People who are just happy to have a job.” Yikes. Well, your intrepid cartoonists were not about to let Sid suffer the same fate. So he sold his app for beaucoup bucks. And now he’s a big shot, in the way kids finding their first jobs and apartments are big shots. No place to sit, not furniture, not enough plates or silverware but, damn, there has to be room for a 70” hi-def tv and a Peloton. The Peloton is important because who among us wouldn’t want to have a $5,000 machine featuring a televised sweaty person in much better shape than we will ever be, screaming at you to tighten up that resistance screw, stand up on those pedals and move! move! move! That they have. A couch with an ottoman? Not so much.

And we also wanted to visit that age old tradition when your kid picks up the check for dinner. Most people are touched with love and admiration and a feeling akin to, “Wow our little (fill in the name) has really grown up!” Well, Al feels that as well, but a little dessert and an after-dinner drink would make him feel even better. As long as it’s on Sid.

We’ve spent a lot of time on kids lately. Grown up kids like Sid and his sister. New kids like the one Sam just had. And new grandparents like our characters will soon become (just wait for our upcoming gender reveal party). Maybe it’s because one of us (me) just became a grandpa or maybe it’s just that Spring is in the air, and we see lots of baby carriages out there. In any event we’ve got a lot of fresh new storylines out there for the summer and the best part about our comic book children, is that their crying makes no noise, they can’t pee or throw up on you, and when you’re done reading, you’re done. Sounds like a good deal to us.

See you next week with two new ones,

Andy and John

Sonny Starts and Sam's a Free Man 5/21/21

Becoming a grandfather for the first time in your 60’s is a wonderful experience. Becoming a father for the first time in your 60’s? Not so much. At least not in our limited imaginations. So we show Sam in his attempt to be a househusband and he fails spectacularly. That’s one element of our story. The next one is the search for a babysitter or nanny, if you will. So we decided to go against type. Instead of the typical au pair from a Scandinavian country, we decided to go with a big guy with two sleeves of tattoos who has been recently released from prison. And, of course, he happens to be an impeccable choice. On a personal note I happen to have a son with two sleeves of tattoos who happens to be great with kids, though thankfully, he’s not a prisoner.

Our ex-con Sonny studied child psychology while he was in the pen and has a chance to show off his skills. As a babysitter/nanny, he beats the hell out of Sam, who has never been to prison either (at least not as far as we know). And now, a brief respite from the land of funny into the land of serious. These days there is a rash of violence between people just because somebody looks different or comes from a different country or speaks a different language or even has an accent. Sonny is our small attempt to say don’t judge a book by its cover. And yes, you CAN teach an old dog new tricks.

We will see you guys next week with two new ones featuring a return visit from one of our most popular characters, Al and Joanne’s son, Sid.

Have a great and (at least in some areas) maskless weekend.

Andy and John

Sam Embraces Fatherhood 5/14/21

Being a new father is exhilarating, life-altering and exhausting. But what about if you’re in your 60’s? Luckily, neither John nor I would know, but what follows is what we imagine it would be like. This series is informed by friends of ours who are first time grandparents in their 60’s. It’s pretty much the same experience, except you don’t get to give the kid back to the real mommy and daddy once the weekend is over. In Sam’s case He IS the real daddy. I have a friend who started taking off Fridays so he could help his pregnant daughter by babysitting her toddler. My buddy and his granddaughter had a great routine culminating in lunch at the diner, followed by nap time. Yeah right. Grandpa and his granddaughter would head back to his daughter’s house and lie on couches facing one another. He would put his granddaughter’s favorite blankie around her, and take another blanket for himself. It’s debatable who needed the nap more. Actually, it’s not very debatable at all because each time my friend would feel himself drifting off, his granddaughter would get up off the couch and pull his blanket off, giggling. This went on for a long time before she finally wore out. And by that time, he was toast. That was with one grandchild. Now there are two, and instead of playing man-to-man he was forced to switch to a zone defense.

Our second comic features the other 60-somethings commenting on Sam’s absence from their diner crew. A guy’s gotta do what a guy’s gotta do, but somehow, someway, he’ll get a babysitter and then life can go back to normal, or at least he can join his buddies at the diner once a week. Is that too much to ask? Not only does a newborn add a lot to life, it also adds many a plot twist to your favorite comic strip. You’ll see them in the coming weeks. Sam got more than what he bargained for but he and Shellie and his buddies at the diner will all figure it out. Or, as the Beatles once famously sang, Ob-la-di, ob-la-da/Life goes on, bra…

See you next week with two new chapters in the continuing saga of Stay at Home Sam.

Have a great weekend,

Andy and John

Both Ends of the Life Cycle 5/7/21

That’s convenient, now isn’t it? My daughter just had a baby a month ago and now Al’s daughter has one! Imagine the coincidence. Is it art imitating life? No, it’s just a damn good storyline. But unlike Al’s daughter, mine actually revealed her baby’s gender (a girl, Charlotte) as soon as she found out from the doctor. But John and I felt a gender reveal party was just too juicy to pass up. It’s the kind of thing that has made its way into the cultural zeitgeist, and most of us 60+ year-olds have heard of it but actually have no idea what it means. John and I actually called our daughters to get the lowdown. The bottom line is this: some people want to know the gender of their baby before it comes out, some want it to be a surprise and some want to make it an excuse for a party, or in the lexicon of today, an event. As my children used to say “In real true life,” one of these parties had a couple setting off fireworks, which led to a massive wildfire destroying thousands of acres of California. Another in Mexico just last month had a small plane flying over Mexico, set to reveal the baby’s gender. The only problem was it crashed and the result wasn’t pretty. We promise a gender reveal party somewhere down the road where nobody dies or even gets injured. But don’t ask us what the baby’s gender is because we ain’t tellin’!

The second strip is something a lot of us in this age group has gone through or is going through. It involves selling your parents’ house because either they’ve moved into an assisted living home or they passed away. Gosh this blog is very morbid today, isn’t it? John and I have both been through some form of this and everybody tells you the same thing, “Don’t get emotional. Whatever the buyer want to do with the house is up to them. It’s no longer the home you grew up in. It’s now their home.” You can nod along in agreement to this very rational piece of advice, but when the moment comes, all reason flies out the window. Marv’s interior dialogue goes something like this: “That was MY room damnit! And if I say it’s a great boy’s room, then that’s what you should use it for. I don’t care that you don’t have kids. Keep your freakin’ loom outta here and put up some posters of Jacob deGrom, okay?!” (By the way, that last piece of punctuation - ?! - is called an interrobang. John taught me that from a book about cartooning, written by Mort Walker, the creator of Beetle Bailey). At any rate, Instead of that angry interior rant, Marv just says, “Or a loom, a loom would be perfect in here.” This type of debate between the internal dialogue and what actually pours from our characters’ mouths is the type of discussion we have every week. If you know us it would come as no surprise that I would be the type to say the internal dialogue out loud whereas John would go for the second, more politic way of speaking. Since you’ve already read the comic, I guess you can figure out who won the debate for what Marv actually does say.

So that’s it for this week. Next week we’ve got another series coming up. We’ll be checking in on Sam, as he deals with the demands of being a new dad in his 60’s. The fun begins.

Have a safe, covid-free weekend and thanks for staying with us

Andy and John

On the Old and New 4/30/21

First the old. It’s interesting to see which items go in and out of style. And for those of us of a certain age (and a certain temperment) we don’t give a damn even if they have gone out of style. Consider an item I brought to my marriage some 37 years ago. We jokingly refer to it as “The Dowry." It is an old-fashioned jar opener that belonged to my mother. Can’t find anything like it anymore. But I’ll try to describe it. Think of a circular shape at the top, hinged in the middle. The top has grippers on the inside and it opens up to two handles. You simply separate the handles, fit the circle on the jar top you’re trying to open, close the handles and twist. Voila! Open jar. So simple and elegant. Another item just as timeless that’s also been cast into the dustbin of history? The snack table. Nobody uses them anymore. Except very old people. I was watching an episode of “Comedians in cars getting coffee.” Jerry Seinfeld visits Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner. Every night (obviously this was filmed before Reiner’s passing) Carl and Mel would get together and eat dinner on snack tables while watching Jeopardy. While the point was to marvel at how deep their friendship was and how they acted like an old married couple, I was transfixed by the fact that they ate on snack tables. About a month ago, our kitchen required a major renovation and we were forced to eat on snack tables. I even worked on a snack table, noting how well it fit a MacBook Air and a glass of water. When the construction was completed, we folded the snack tables back up and placed them back into obscurity, in a little corner of the laundry room, never to be seen again until the next emergency. Sigh.

Our second comic deals with texting. Now there are many different types of texters. There’re people who still don’t do it and have no interest in learning how. Then there are people with flip phones who have to hit the “5” key three times in order to type the letter “L.” Next comes people over 50 who text regularly but insist on using punctuation and who hate acronyms. And then there is the millennial generation and younger who want to purvey as much information as possible with as few keystrokes as possible. Hence ”L8R,” instead of “later.” Or “btw,” instead of “by the way.” I took some golf lessons this winter where the instructor showed a split screen of my swing before and after. Only he insisted on labelling the before swing “b4.” I pointed out that that wasn’t the way to spell “before” and he responded by telling me to move closer to the ball. As for the comic, I must admit that John came up with the punchline where Al says, “I’m trying to find the semi-colon.” If it’s old-school behavior to spell words out, it is positively neanderthal to look for a semi-colon. Almost nobody uses semi-colons anymore. They’re about as rare as snack tables.

That’s it for this week. And as long as we are speaking about punctuation, I want to give a special shout-out to our terrific proofreader (who just pointed out I used an unnecessary hyphen in proof-reader), David Ockene, who performs this task every week for free. David, we really appreciate it and you.

See you next week with two new ones. Have a terrific weekend and stay safe,

Andy and John

On Memories and How to get Remembered 4/23/21

If you’ve never spent anytime working in an ad agency you should consider yourself lucky. If, however, you have spent the better part of three decades in the ad game, as John and I each did, then you know all about product placement. This phenomenon has only gotten bigger over time, since most people record shows and fast forward through the commercials. According to the two of us, this is now acceptable since you no longer risk fast forwarding through any of the commercials we created. This is why you now see tv shows and movies where people drink a can of Diet Coke, or open up an Apple computer (it’s always Apple, never anything else) or pour a glass of Casamigos tequila over a very large ice cube. That’s one of the ways products advertise themselves, but how about comics? “Who gives a damn” you ask? We do! Gone are the days when you split your proceeds equally with a syndicate, and popular comics would collect $50 a day for every newspaper in which they appeared. You could make a fine living indeed like that. But nooooooo. That model no longer exists. Physical newspapers almost no longer exist. So now you publish your comic for free, people tell their friends about it (hint, hint) and then you develop such a large following that the advertisers come flocking to your website. And then your characters can appear on t-shirts, coffee mugs and the like. So we wondered, what type of products would fit with a comic about people in their 60’s? What type of audience is attracted to our comic? In general, our audience is comprised of people in their 50’s through 70’s and beyond. The male/female split is about equal. Most of our audience won’t be carrying a lunch box to work and we don’t think their grandchildren will be interested in a Marv lunch box anyhow. So we came up with a bunch of really sexy items like hemorrhoid donuts and adult diapers. Trust us, we would have included dental adhesives and generic Viagra, but we ran out of room. But think about it, if you were strolling down the aisle of your local Walgreens and saw a package of adult diapers adorned with pictures of Marv and Al and Rachel and Joanne, wouldn’t you be tempted to buy it? I mean, who could resist? Look for them soon at a store near you. And if you don’t need such a product, how about branded New 60 memory pills? We all need those. And who can remember the name of Preva something or other anyway?

Which is actually a slick segue into our second comic, a trip to the store to buy memory pills. The trouble with the pills is you have to remember the name of them from the time you saw them in a commercial (because you forgot to fast forward through it) up until the moment you ask for whatchamacallit in the store. I imagine they have secret training sessions at every CVS and Walgreens with the employees. And management tells them, “Now remember, if you see a senior approaching you in the vitamin and supplement aisle and they ask, “What’s the name of that…” you just cut them off and say “Prevagen.” And to the makers of Prevagen, you can thank us for mentioning you right now and to start working with our lawyer on an endorsement deal. Think about it. You could feature us in an episode of The Kaminsky Method. Michael Douglas and Alan Arkin are in the drug store, and one forgets the other’s name, despite the fact that they have been besties for years. Michael turns to Alan, and with totally natural-sounding dialogue, says “Hey what’s your name, what’s the name of that memory pill you’ve been taking?” And without skipping a beat, Alan says, “Why that’s The New 60 version of Prevagen, the only memory pill I use.” Do you see how seamlessly that fits in? But what if by chance, Michael Douglas reacts by saying, “Now wait a minute, isn’t that the comic where the guy named Marv wants a soup spoon and when he goes to the kitchen to retrieve one, he forgets why he’s in the kitchen in the first place? Why would I want a memory pill endorsed by those clowns?” Then we conclude he doesn’t need the product in the first place. So there’s absolutely no downside. Do you hear that Prevagen? Huh?

So that is it for this week, A special birthday shout out to Andy's wife Joanie today. Happy 34th (x2), love ya honey. We will be back with you again with new comics and a blog to close out the month of April and soon, summer will be here. Yay.

Andy and John

Watching the Big Screen 4/9/21

Here’s another problem with getting old. Whining about the fact that things ain’t like they used to be. This observation is always followed by the phrase “these days.” Examples: “Politics is too partisan these days.” “You have to be so careful about what you say these days.” And, relating to our March Madness comic, “College basketball is too much like the pros these days.” As John and I were talking about the NCAA Tournament which ended Monday night (it was really over in the first ten minutes, it just lasted until the final buzzer at which point nobody was watching except for people who attended Baylor) we remarked that the only thing amateur about college hoops is when you see the players reduced to tears when their team finally loses. Then we thought that the truly great players play only one season of college before turning pro, so just how sad are they? They are about to earn unfathomable riches. And yeah, it sucks that old (fill in your alma mater here) lost, but the hell with it, I’m going to the Oklahoma City Thunder!

The other comic this week (not as timely as March Madness) deals with the phenomenon we are all experiencing in real time. A few months ago, one of the major studios decided to release all its upcoming movies to theaters and to HBO Max at the exact same time. This means no more exclusive runs at the movie theater. First of all, what is HBO Max anyway? I already pay for HBO, now I have to pay MORE for Max???? But the point is, that there are fewer and fewer reasons to go to a movie theater and we will be streaming more and more movies in the comfort of our own homes. I must admit I used to like the movie theater experience. The audience shrieks at a scary movie or laughter at a comedy is infectious. There’s surround-sound, DOLBY digital and IMAX. But now the audience is infectious as well. And if you’re on the short side like me, there’s always a 6-footer who decides to sit right in front of you. And let’s face it, the popcorn sucks, unless you go to the Alamo Drafthouse. So we had Al and Joanne recreate the experience at home without going into one of the discussions I have with my wife around home movie watching: do you pour the raisinets straight into the popcorn bowl, or eat them separately.

One final personal note. John and I write about what it’s like to navigate your 60’s because we like to write about what we know. However, we’ve written about being grandparents without personally knowing what that’s like. I am proud to say as of Tuesday night, I now know what that’s like. My daughter Ali and her husband Mark had their first child Charlotte Tuesday around 10pm. My wife Joanie and I are now first time grandparents. And it couldn’t be sweeter.

See you next week with two new ones — comics, not grandchildren.

Andy and John

The Saga of Sid Continues 3/11/21

Everybody’s got to grow up at some point, right? Even Sid. Look, we get it. This is the first generation that hasn’t had a reasonable expectation of upward mobility. And so because of a combination of low paying jobs, little to no health insurance, and sky high rents, many adult children are being forced to still live at home or to accept their parents’ help in living alone. And we ‘ve been over this territory before. And it’s not particularly funny, especially if you are the person still living home. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t room for comedy. Between wondering, “what in the name of God is he doing up there?” and the revelation of, “Oh, so that’s what he’s been doing up there!” is where the funny kicks in. And you have to admit, that app of Sid’s is a pretty brilliant idea.

But then we got to thinking, what if Siri or Alexa or one of those robotic female voices could do this anyway? Aren’t they some sort of example of artificial intelligence, or to be hip, AI? So we tested it. Well, in order to sound incredibly hip, we beta-tested it. In other words I said, “Hey Siri, what’s the name of that movie with the guy from the notebook and the girl from the Help? And Siri replied, “Okay, I found this on the web about The Notebook.” So it didn’t work. Which means there is still a need for Sid’s app. And if any of you are smart enough to invent it and you wind up making billions of bucks, just remember who gave you the idea. And return a 33 1/3% of your profits for the first couple years. It’s only fair.

We will wrap up the 5-part Saga of Sid next week and move on to other topics, but if you get a chance we’d love to hear your thoughts about whether or not you’d like these continuing stories from time to time.

And that, is that. Not because it’s currently 68 degrees outside and I’m kinda lazy. No it’s because I’ve run out of things to say about adult children living at home. And yeah, because it’s 68 degrees and I’m kinda lazy.

See you next week with two new ones. Enjoy your weekend and we hope you get vaccinated,

Andy and John

Adult Children 3/05/21

What kind of world is this? When did it become the rule that people of a certain age had to take care of their parents and elderly relatives, and also still have to help their kids out? It’s not all our kids’ faults. Gone are jobs with nice, comfy perks like medical insurance and bonuses and pensions and the guarantee of 40 years with the same company (what the hell is a company anyway?). Nope. Now we live in a “gig” economy. As far as I can tell gig stands for no freakin’ benefits. Gig makes me gag. But this is supposed to be funny, so enough.

We thought we’d take a look at Al and Joanne’s 33-year-old son who works on his computer upstairs and has no income. He does however have a plan. First, we gave him a name, Sidney. And then, as part of our new push to tell more continuing stories, we are doing our first ever 5-part story, the Saga of Sid, if you will. We are going to explore the push/pull of “C’mon kid, it’s time to move out” combined with “Do you have to go so soon?” Sure, they’re pains in the butt but they also solve all your tech problems. Sure, they eat you out of house and home but they also listen to cool music you’d never hear and watch new tv shows you’d never watch. In short, they keep you a little more hip than you’d be otherwise. John and I have no kids living at home, which may be a reason why we are so unhip, even though we did visit a pot dispensary in a past comic.

The other thing about a five-part series is this: once we enter a comic, say Part 1 on the website, and then enter the subsequent comic, Part 2, the subsequent comic comes up first in your feed, so that when you click open your email on Friday, you’d see part 2, followed by Part 1. And then next week, you’d see Part 4 at the top followed by Part 3. In other words, “Help! Where are our kids when we need them???

Have a great weekend and get vaccinated,

Andy and John

On Covid Shots and Almond Milk 2/12/21

A couple of weeks ago, my wife had to go back home to Pittsburgh. As I drove her to the airport, she asked me to be sure I booked us Covid-19 vaccinations. I breezily said, “No problem.” As we’d speak each night, she’d ask, “Did you book the appointments yet?” And each night I’d say, “No, I can’t find one.” This routine started to elevate to a different level, when my answer was met with a, “Well Peter and Renee (friends) got them.” And soon enough, it seemed like almost everyone we knew over the age of 65 had managed to get one. But not me. When she came back over a week later, she tried herself, and (much to my inner satisfaction), she couldn’t find one either. And then she was on the phone with yet ANOTHER 65+ friend, who had gotten hers. When Joanie asked her friend how she got it, the friend said, “Oh, I asked my niece. She’s gotten appointments for her parents, and us, she just knows what to do.” Then came the follow up question: “Would it be too much of an imposition to ask her if she could schedule one for Andy and me?” Within the next five minutes, we had appointments for our first shots. We had been given two gifts, our first Covid vaccinations and today’s first comic. Plus, I was freed from answering “Did you book the shots yet” question and from giving the “No, not yet” reply. Which is always helpful.

Onto comic two. We have a habit in my family of buying almond milk, using a little then forgetting about it. Judging from some responses to this comic on Facebook, almond milk is not universally loved. One of our readers, Ed Comiskey from Florida, wrote that his favorite recipe for almond milk was to open the container and pour it down the drain. Works for me. I guess it’s good for making smoothies, but c’mon now. Have you ever tried to milk an almond? Hint: doesn’t work. But if you want to live a vegan life, be my guest. I won’t judge. Well, maybe a little. And please don’t invite me over for dinner. Also consider this: Tom Brady, whose TB12 diet includes no dairy, probably drinks almond milk, and what the hell has he ever accomplished?

So that’s it for this week. We will see you again next Friday with two new ones, and if you haven’t gotten your vaccinations yet, don’t fret, Walgreens and CVS are coming to the rescue, and everybody over 60 knows how to find one of those.

Andy and John

Winter Wonderland 2/5/21

Newsflash: it hasn’t exactly been the easiest winter. Now in addition to Covid and Marjorie Taylor Greene, we had a huge snowstorm, another is on the way, and Tom Brady is back in the Super Bowl. Yeah, that Tom Brady. In a pathetic attempt to be topical, your intrepid cartoonists decided to do a Super Bowl comic this week and another about shoveling snow. First of all, it’s important to note that we have entirely different perspectives on the aforementioned Tom Brady, The GOAT (Greatest Of All Time). While I am a Giants fan and we beat Tom and the Patriots not once, but twice, in two Super Bowls, John is a Jets fan and they have had decidedly less success against Mr. Brady. Secondly, through a weird glitch in the universe, both my children were born during Giants Super Bowl winning years, although not against Brady. So the inspiration for watching with your baby comes with experience. Truth be told, it was John’s suggestion, even though it was my experience. My solution, back in ‘86 and ‘90 was to offer my wife the following deal, “Honey, I’ll watch the baby (and in the case of our second child {the kids} all day), but when it comes kickoff time, I’m off duty.” And since my wife doesn’t really care about football, she was only too happy to comply. Now back to the comic. It is my contention that John has been psychologically bruised by having Brady and the Pats beat on his beloved Jets time and time again. So it was no accident when he thought it would be funny to have the baby spit up on his Tom Brady jersey. I don’t think that makes up for all the beat downs but hey, every little bit helps.

Now onto the second comic. I have a friend who is a stand-up comic and writes for Jimmy Kimmel. She once said about Facebook, “They should call it In your Face… Book.” You know, people telling you how much better their life is than your life. How great their vacation is, their relationship is, their kids are, etc. Well that’s kind of the way it is with a lot of snowbirds. I can’t prove it but I have a sneaking suspicion they get a little kick when it’s 78 degrees and sunny outside and they’re lounging in the pool with a pina colada, while we are shoveling 18 inches of snow off our driveways. The reason I suspect this is because that’s exactly how I’d feel if I’d have been smart enough to move someplace warm. And why is it that we Northerners can come up with no better excuse than, “We like the change of seasons?” Don’t get me wrong, the change of seasons is nice, but so is watching the Super Bowl from a hot tub, while nursing a beer and cigar, like I did a few years back at my cousin’s house in Florida. After which, my wife and I flew back home and enjoyed the hell out of the rest of the winter.

That’s it for this week. And before signing off, I’d like to celebrate the life and times of my mother-in-law Charlotte Bluestone, a selfless, loving soul who passed away at the age of 99 1/2 years. You’ll be missed. We will be back to you next week with two new comics. Thanks for reading.

Andy and John

Getting in Shape 11/13/2020

Happy Friday the 13th. You know, there’s all different kinds of getting in shape. You could be in shape for running a marathon, but that does not get you in shape for bringing up a new baby. You could be in shape for being a college student, partying all night and still managing to go to class the next day, while staying up all night the next night studying to pass the test you’re about to take the day after that. That’s one kind of shape. But it doesn’t prepare you for the kind of shape you have to be in to commute while working a full-time job. And that doesn’t prepare you for the kind of shape you have to be in to work a full-time job while being a new parent. Suddenly those mid-week all-night parties are a thing of the past, or else you too will be a thing of the past. At least at work. So Al, in our first comic, preps for watching sports on a Sunday afternoon from 9:30 am all the way through Sunday Night Football which usually doesn’t end until 11:30 pm or midnight. Now that takes a certain type of stamina. So I’ve heard. It can be done, but you have to allow for a few naps along the way. Especially if there’s beer and hot dogs involved. And chips. And guac. Not to mention salsa. A chocolate chip cookie. And the occasional 5 mg. gummy. Again I reiterate, not that I’d know.

Now onto our second comic, which was actually the third in our “Sam’s a New Dad” trilogy. I know, it’s not as intergalactically impressive as saying “The Star Wars Trilogy,” but first of all, “Star Wars“ had a much bigger ad budget and secondly, they had about 6,000 movies so how the hell is that a trilogy? “Sam’s a New Dad” is a real, honest to goodness, trilogy. It takes us all the way from when he first became a new dad to when he settled in to becoming a new dad. Now maybe that doesn’t sound like a very long journey to you but remember those first few days of first-time parenthood? That was a looooong journey. Now imagine going through it at age 60. At this age, what he lacks in energy, he makes up for in money and (hopefully) patience. And that explains the $900 jogging stroller, a “must-have” for any new parent of means.

All right, have a happy Friday the 13th unless you have triskaidekaphobia (fear of the number 13). If that’s the case we gently suggest, GET OVER IT!

ps: I never heard of triskaidekaphobia either until John, aka Mr. Smarty Pants, brought it up

See you next week with two brand new comics and a brand-new saga.

Andy and John

New Dad 11/06/2020

Confession: we rented a house in East Hampton for our 30th anniversary in 2014 and never looked back. We’ve done it every year since. Why do I mention that? One it’s a great bribe to get your kids to come and visit you all the time. But the other reason is you see all sorts of sights. From the beautiful…the pristine beaches, spectacular sunsets, the golden light … to the less than beautiful … including older, saggy men with young starlets strolling down said pristine beach. And that leads into today’s comics. Sort of. It’s not that Sam is in his 80’s and Shellie in her 20’s (and believe me, I’ve seen that combo). It’s not even that he has attracted her with his spectacular wealth and power (of which he has neither). It’s just that he married a significantly younger woman. And we thought that might affect the dynamic between Al, Marv and Sam. Primarily because Al’s wife Joanne and Marv’s wife Rachel liked Sam’s first wife and related to her, and they were all part of the same generation. But this new young whippersnapper Shellie, as they say in Brooklyn, fuhgeddaboudit. Except now Shellie (the young whippersnapper is 40, mind you) has had a baby, and this brings Rachel and Joanne around. And it’s going to make Sam’s life far different from his buddys’ lives all over again. First they were the ones who couldn’t stay out late, who had to cancel plans because they couldn’t find a baby sitter, who were always exhausted, but now HE is goingto be the one experiencing all of that when Al and Marv can stay out as late as they want (of course, being in their 60’s that’s not very late, but it’s nice to have options). The first comic also touches on the fact that men are basically babies themselves. Think about it. The woman does all the carrying. Goes through all the nausea. Bares all the labor pain and is the baby’s source of nutrition. And Sam sort of feels bad that all the attention is on the baby and Shellie. We all go through personal growing pains. Sam is about to go through his.

The second comic, on the same topic, touches on the ways in which society has changed and keeps on changing. When we grew up we had chocolate cigarettes and even better big, fat chocolate cigars (only milk chocolate in those days, thank you very much) and who can forget Big League Chew, which took a cancerous product like chewing tobacco and reformulated it as shards of bubble gum. It even came in a resealable pouch just like the real thing. In the past we ran a comic about a grandchild’s horror that Al was still using plastic straws. And so today, we thought one further shock to Sam’s reality was that he no longer could pass out cigars. But hey, organic fruit rollups are almost just as good. Especially when paired with an aged 12-year old scotch. Sam’s life is about to change big time.

Ours, not so much. We’ll see you next week with two new ones.

Andy and John